I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name

  • Mood:

"You do realise you match the chair..."

  • Jeff: I'm going to cast Magic Mouth sometime in this campaign.
    GM: You can make her boobs talk. "Suck me! Suck me!"

  • Angel: Can I have Stitch as an Animal Companion?

  • GM (to David): I know where you're going to come from.
    David: Your ass?
    GM: Your own ass.

  • (A visual joke) Angel: I take my naginata and use it to commit seppuku.

  • Me: I spar with the bitch.
    GM: Which bitch?

  • GM: Crikey! Plot whore, plot whore!

  • GM: She was a very powerful seer...
    Me: Too bad she couldn't see anything clearer.

  • David: If you are not careful, I'll start summoning dire weasels. Lots and lots of dire weasels.

  • GM: You can choose down, yes.
    Angel: I choose you, Pika...oh, wait.

  • Bri: They were nice gems. They were very polite when you said 'hi' to them.

  • Me: I go sell the two +1 masterwork kamas...
    Angel: And I hawk the semicolon +3.
    David: What's the critical with a comma?
    Jefe: You have to splice with it.

  • Me: Oh, I forgot. We also had 3,901 in gems.
    GM: What?
    Me: Can I just round it up to 4,000? I don't want to do math.
    GM: Uhm, sure.

  • Me: Okay, now we have more gold. Plus, I'm not carrying around one bejewelled glove, a flaming rapier, and dwarven chain.
    Angel: Yeth.

  • GM: "Elven armours 'R Us."
    Bri: Is there a special 'sun elf' section of it?
    Me: Yes. It's called "Rivets".

  • Angel: Actually, dragon armour isn't all that cool any more.
    GM: Mine is. It's dragon fuckin' armour.

  • Me: Party treasure is 16,000 gold. Can we all outfit for that?
    GM: I'm not worried about that.
    Jefe: It's like a credit card!

  • Angel: ...it makes me fuzzy.
    Me: Eww, shave.
    Angel: Wrong fuzzy.

  • Me: Tell me how much they charge us total at the end.
    GM: Okay...
    Me: And then I'll go beat them up and steal it back.
    GM (laughing): Okay.

  • GM: You can get them to lower the price significantly.
    Me: Yes, because I'm big and black and looming, and I added points to Intimidate.
    Angel: And you have big swords.

  • Me: I look for something pretty and female.
    GM: You find a museum.
    Me: Pretty and female?
    GM: No, but if you go look at the tourist attractions, you find a museum.
    Jefe: I think it's a hint.

  • David: So, is it normal giving you the finger (gestures) and drow giving you the finger (gestures with both hands)?
    GM: No, when drow give you the finger, it extends.

  • Jefe: If there is Weird Shit, TM, I'll take note of it.

  • Me: I'm wearing a ring of Mind Shielding. Not that it matters.
    GM: That's why I gave it to you.
    Me: Not hard to tell what he's thinking.
    Angel: "I'm pissed off."
    Bri: No, no, two modes: "I'm going to kill you." and "I am killing you."

  • GM: You see three drow, one with wings, and two elves walk into the...bar. You work here.
    Bri: Tavern wench!
    GM: No, it's a museum.

  • Angel: We see glowy balls of light?
    GM: You see a glowy ball of blackness....
    Me (note that my character's colour scheme is exclusively black and silver): I want, I want, I want!

  • David: There's a sign that says "Please do not steal from the museum."
    GM: He wrote it.
    Me: It's spelt wrong?
    David: No, it's in every language known.

  • David (playing a celestial with 'light' at will): Welcome to the museum. Can I help you find anything?
    Me: Something not so shiny.
    David: Nope, sorry, everything's wonderful and shiny here in the museum of shiny-shinyness.

  • Jefe: How big is the museum?
    David: It's huge.

  • GM: Bard-boy, there's a library here...
    Jefe: Oooh.
    GM: It's huge.
    Jefe (timidly): Does it have a card catalogue?

  • GM: It says "Deck of many things. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you?"
    Angel: Just like that.

  • Bri (looking at me): Does he count as misfortune?

  • David: Death is an undead? That sucks.

  • Me: I hit AC 22, 21, and 17...
    GM: Okay, roll damage.
    Me (rolling dice): Uhm...44 points of damage.
    GM: Right. Death hits you and does 2d8. For...16.

  • GM: At least it maxed. Death had a little dignity before it...re-died.

  • David: One of your friends turns against you. No, I think I'll avoid that one.

  • David: Can I have my archon draw cards?
    GM: No. It has no hands.

  • GM: They're cursed. They eat your flesh.
    Me: Oooh, Ebola bracers!

  • Me: I now have +18 to Diplomacy...if I ever choose to exercise it.

  • David: What happens when something that's 'Colossal' has Enlarge cast on it?
    GM: It gets a huge boner?

  • David: Now, if I only had those 5,000 dire weasels running around, I could make really huge dire weasels...

  • Bri: I need another feat.
    Angel: Aren't two enough? Why do you need three?

  • David: What are 'shambling mounds'?
    Angel: Piles of shit.
    GM: That shamble.

  • David: I want a Defending, flaming, frosting, shocking, ghost touch, keen, mighty cleaving, spell-storing, throwing, baneful, disrupting, flaming bursting, icy bursting, shocking bursting, thundering, wounding, holy, unholy, lawful, chaotic, brilliant energy, dancing, speedy, vorpal greatsword +5. Two of them.
    GM: Fine, but they're magnetic and they stick to your head.
    Angel: Plus 'monkey grip' so can you wield them both. They're size L.
    David: I'll just cast enlarge on myself.
    Angel: That only works on part of you.
    David: I'll have it wield one, then.
    Angel: Then you'll have to cast Prehensile penis, too.

  • GM: Oh, that's right, I have an encounter running. Slow-ass.

  • James: What can I pull out of that bag...?
    David (excitedly): Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! (etc.)

  • David: I'm disappointed. With a name like "Doom" I expected a spell to be...
    Me: More doomful?

  • (Visual joke) GM: Well, since you're flying, it can't do much but jump at you and go (making cat-arm-flapping gestures) Rahr, rahr, rahr!

  • James (rolling): Spiked chains suck!
    GM: That's why I gave you one with abilities.
    Angel: So it sucks a little less?

  • James: Fuck this! (points at GM, acting as intelligent spiked chain) You, zap it!

  • David: I could heal him, but...I don't think getting that close would be a good idea.

  • Bri: They're trying to kill off my goddess. It's slightly irritating.

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