- Jeff: I'm going to cast Magic Mouth sometime in this campaign.
GM: You can make her boobs talk. "Suck me! Suck me!"
- Angel: Can I have Stitch as an Animal Companion?
- GM (to David): I know where you're going to come from.
David: Your ass?
GM: Your own ass.
- (A visual joke) Angel: I take my naginata and use it to commit seppuku.
- Me: I spar with the bitch.
GM: Which bitch?
- GM: Crikey! Plot whore, plot whore!
- GM: She was a very powerful seer...
Me: Too bad she couldn't see anything clearer.
- David: If you are not careful, I'll start summoning dire weasels. Lots and lots of dire weasels.
- GM: You can choose down, yes.
Angel: I choose you, Pika...oh, wait.
- Bri: They were nice gems. They were very polite when you said 'hi' to them.
- Me: I go sell the two +1 masterwork kamas...
Angel: And I hawk the semicolon +3.
David: What's the critical with a comma?
Jefe: You have to splice with it.
- Me: Oh, I forgot. We also had 3,901 in gems.
Me: Can I just round it up to 4,000? I don't want to do math.
GM: Uhm, sure.
- Me: Okay, now we have more gold. Plus, I'm not carrying around one bejewelled glove, a flaming rapier, and dwarven chain.
- GM: "Elven armours 'R Us."
Bri: Is there a special 'sun elf' section of it?
Me: Yes. It's called "Rivets".
- Angel: Actually, dragon armour isn't all that cool any more.
GM: Mine is. It's dragon fuckin' armour.
- Me: Party treasure is 16,000 gold. Can we all outfit for that?
GM: I'm not worried about that.
Jefe: It's like a credit card!
- Angel: ...it makes me fuzzy.
Me: Eww, shave.
Angel: Wrong fuzzy.
- Me: Tell me how much they charge us total at the end.
Me: And then I'll go beat them up and steal it back.
GM (laughing): Okay.
- GM: You can get them to lower the price significantly.
Me: Yes, because I'm big and black and looming, and I added points to Intimidate.
Angel: And you have big swords.
- Me: I look for something pretty and female.
GM: You find a museum.
Me: Pretty and female?
GM: No, but if you go look at the tourist attractions, you find a museum.
Jefe: I think it's a hint.
- David: So, is it normal giving you the finger (gestures) and drow giving you the finger (gestures with both hands)?
GM: No, when drow give you the finger, it extends.
- Jefe: If there is Weird Shit, TM, I'll take note of it.
- Me: I'm wearing a ring of Mind Shielding. Not that it matters.
GM: That's why I gave it to you.
Me: Not hard to tell what he's thinking.
Angel: "I'm pissed off."
Bri: No, no, two modes: "I'm going to kill you." and "I am killing you."
- GM: You see three drow, one with wings, and two elves walk into the...bar. You work here.
Bri: Tavern wench!
GM: No, it's a museum.
- Angel: We see glowy balls of light?
GM: You see a glowy ball of blackness....
Me (note that my character's colour scheme is exclusively black and silver): I want, I want, I want!
- David: There's a sign that says "Please do not steal from the museum."
GM: He wrote it.
Me: It's spelt wrong?
David: No, it's in every language known.
- David (playing a celestial with 'light' at will): Welcome to the museum. Can I help you find anything?
Me: Something not so shiny.
David: Nope, sorry, everything's wonderful and shiny here in the museum of shiny-shinyness.
- Jefe: How big is the museum?
David: It's huge.
- GM: Bard-boy, there's a library here...
GM: It's huge.
Jefe (timidly): Does it have a card catalogue?
- GM: It says "Deck of many things. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you?"
Angel: Just like that.
- Bri (looking at me): Does he count as misfortune?
- David: Death is an undead? That sucks.
- Me: I hit AC 22, 21, and 17...
GM: Okay, roll damage.
Me (rolling dice): Uhm...44 points of damage.
GM: Right. Death hits you and does 2d8. For...16.
- GM: At least it maxed. Death had a little dignity before it...re-died.
- David: One of your friends turns against you. No, I think I'll avoid that one.
- David: Can I have my archon draw cards?
GM: No. It has no hands.
- GM: They're cursed. They eat your flesh.
Me: Oooh, Ebola bracers!
- Me: I now have +18 to Diplomacy...if I ever choose to exercise it.
- David: What happens when something that's 'Colossal' has Enlarge cast on it?
GM: It gets a huge boner?
- David: Now, if I only had those 5,000 dire weasels running around, I could make really huge dire weasels...
- Bri: I need another feat.
Angel: Aren't two enough? Why do you need three?
- David: What are 'shambling mounds'?
Angel: Piles of shit.
GM: That shamble.
- David: I want a Defending, flaming, frosting, shocking, ghost touch, keen, mighty cleaving, spell-storing, throwing, baneful, disrupting, flaming bursting, icy bursting, shocking bursting, thundering, wounding, holy, unholy, lawful, chaotic, brilliant energy, dancing, speedy, vorpal greatsword +5. Two of them.
GM: Fine, but they're magnetic and they stick to your head.
Angel: Plus 'monkey grip' so can you wield them both. They're size L.
David: I'll just cast enlarge on myself.
Angel: That only works on part of you.
David: I'll have it wield one, then.
Angel: Then you'll have to cast Prehensile penis, too.
- GM: Oh, that's right, I have an encounter running. Slow-ass.
- James: What can I pull out of that bag...?
David (excitedly): Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! (etc.)
- David: I'm disappointed. With a name like "Doom" I expected a spell to be...
Me: More doomful?
- (Visual joke) GM: Well, since you're flying, it can't do much but jump at you and go (making cat-arm-flapping gestures) Rahr, rahr, rahr!
- James (rolling): Spiked chains suck!
GM: That's why I gave you one with abilities.
Angel: So it sucks a little less?
- James: Fuck this! (points at GM, acting as intelligent spiked chain) You, zap it!
- David: I could heal him, but...I don't think getting that close would be a good idea.
- Bri: They're trying to kill off my goddess. It's slightly irritating.
"You do realise you match the chair..."
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