- GM: Your bow has electrical arrows.
Lily: Let's play 'shock the drow'
Me: The drow are shocked enough.
- GM: Your horses whuffle.
- Angel: I bet if you turn out the lights, there'll be a glowing cross on my forehead.
GM: Ooh, ooh! Put a pentagram on mine!
- (I got a new sword. When drawn, it acts as if 'displace self' is cast on me. Riding along, I practise swordplay) GM: And then you're not sitting on your horse, and then you are...
James (A chaotic evil cleric): What the bloody heaven are you doing?
- Me (to James): Are you talking to your waist?
Me: We need to go that way.
Angel: We're listening to his crotch?
James: Some things are more intelligent than others.
- GM: You come to a fence.
Me: Does it have a stile?
GM: Sort of nouveau-chic.
- Me: Then I draw my other sword and stab the horse's body.
Lily: Talk about beating a dead horse...
- Me (to Lily): Are you doing anything? I just slaughtered my horse and walked off.
Lily: I'm thinking I won't be following him.
- Angel: Next round. (rolls) Oh, I drool some more.
- Me: I prevent her from wandering.
GM: The spell breaks.
Angel: What the hell?
Angel: Hi. Thanks.
Me: And thus the drow exchange the first civil words of the entire campaign...
- Me: I spend the night splitting grass. Around her bed.
GM (to Angel): You wake up. You've got split ends.
Angel (to me): You missed.
- GM: There's nothing around the dome except grass.
Me: Fuzzy grass.
GM: Fuzzy grass.
- GM: It goes 'twang', 'twang', 'twonk', 'twang'...
Me: Hold up - let's go back to the 'twonk'.
Jefe: Yes, because I stop at every 'twonk' I see.
- Me: I hold my hand out in front of me, close my eyes, and walk toward the door.
GM: You run into some nice hard porcelain.
Me: With my hand.
Me: Hence the hand.
Jefe: I want to see him run his nose into the giant egg. I'd write a song about it and sing it over and over.
- Jefe (after Angel rolls a 31 for initiative): He's going first. Like, we're still thinking about moving, and she's over there doing a jig.
- GM (to James, same combat round): What's your init?
GM: Slow-ass bitch.
- Angel: Does it move threateningly?
Angel: Well, I move threateningly back at it.
- GM (to me): It bites at you, and goes 'grr, grr'. (rolls) And then it misses you with its claw and grabs itself.
Me: Great, so it bites me and goes all Michael Jackson.
GM: And then it hits you with its other claw and goes 'growl, growl'.
- GM: It's a grr-goyle.
Me: Dammit, Eric, why are all of your monsters gay?
- GM (pointing at me): Maybe the gargoyle will eat her.
Me (I'm playing a male character): Him.
Chorused: Him. Him.
GM (pointing at Angel, playing a female character): Her.
GM: You're still a drow...
- GM: It is not gay. It's French.
- Me: I have normal dreams. They're just not memorable. I spend the night bored.
- Me: I pick up a crystal shard. No, actually, I pick up several. Because they might be good to put in people's eyes later.
- GM (he claims it's from a commercial...): Do you believe in Crystal Light? Because it believes in me.
- Me: You're drooling Sweet Tarts.
- GM: Does anyone have Knock?
Me: No, but I have 'kick'.
- Me: Live-action tentacle porn. Next, on HBO.
- GM: They notice you. Well, one of the medusa's snakes does, and pokes her.
- GM: She [the Medusa] is putting on her shirt.
Me: I take the opportunity. One must appreciate all things.
- Jefe or Angel: Okay, we all have to buff her, now.
- Someone: Did you ever see a smug octopus?
- Me: Name one thing that would be worth letting you and that snake-ass bitch out of there. I've seen skin less scaly on a dragon with psoriasis.
GM: You had better hope those two never get out of that wall of force...or you are so going to be hunted down...
- James: There's three somethings in there...
Me: Define 'something'.
James: Gooey, watery, something.
- GM: ...astral constructs guarding the passage.
Me: Asshole constructs?
Angel: No, then they'd be sort of brown.
GM: And log-shaped.
Guess what we called the Astral Plane for the rest of the session...
- Me: The good thing about Bri is that she's portable.
Lily: Plus, when you step on me I make cracking noises. I'm like a cockroach.
- GM: Plus, it's salt water; it'll dry your skin out.
Lily: You're a bad, bad man.
- GM: Does anyone here have 'rope use'?
Jefe: No, but I have 30 skill points I need to get rid of...
- James: At this rate, we could've probably walked to the Celestial Plane.
- Jefe: I will not be the bard responsible for bringing Sailor Moon to Faerun.
- Angel: I look down into the goo.
GM: She's suspended above you.
Angel: I look up into the goo.
- GM: She (the dragon)'s got big green boobs.
- GM: Her big green eyes sear into your soul...but she makes a really cool sparkly effect on the walls like a giant disco ball.
- Someone: That's it, call the drow a dwarf.
- Me: Thank God for telepathy. No tongue to get in the way.
- Jefe: How did drow evolve levitation as an innate ability?
Me: Because accidentally falling down bottomless pits is bad.
Someone (a la Crocodile Hunter): Oh, crikey! We lost another one!
Someone else: Danger! Danger!
- Angel (in the Astral Plane): I'm looking for something that's not grey and swirly.
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