You get used to having someone around. You get used to the teasing, the big-brother playfulness, the brief, unexpected touches of incredible kindness. You get used to knowing his moods just by the feel of coming near him, the look in his eyes...all the little things that I used to do. And then I got busy and things happened and time went away and now he's in Texas and I miss him.
I love the guy. Always will. He kept me going when Angel was in Japan and I was crying myself to sleep (I'll never forget sitting in the Union, staring at a letter I'd just gotten, trying not to cry, and he got up with his tray and, walking past, touched my shoulder. "It's not too much longer. You'll be okay." Nothing more.), he puts up with my mood swings and my diva streak without complaint.
He told me he was thinking about the Air Force even though he knew it would break my heart, and he listened to me when I told him how He listened, and he promised me that he wouldn't let it break him, that he'd come through it. He knows he can hurt me (he learned that the hard way) and he doesn't want to. And he doesn't see how wonderful he is.
And now he's in Texas and I miss him. And he told Lily to tell me that he did cry when he left. He didn't forget.
Be safe, Ryk. Be careful, be safe, be well, be somehow healed of the things that have hurt you. Come back with your heart patched together somehow. Please.
...And now I am crying.