I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name


So many things have happened since I posted last.  And so many of them - I keep thinking "I need to write about that." 

And I don't know why I haven't.

Mom got me a book for Christmas.  It's a book of stories by an Internal Medicine resident.  I started it and then I put it down.  I like reading the stories.  But I wish I could put together something like that of my own.  It would mean something to me, to know someone cared enough to buy it. 

Doing some LJ-rearranging; I may be moving the meat of this journal elsewhere - somewhere that doesn't have quite the networked identity that this one has, somewhere where I'm not bombarded by service status changes every few weeks.  I don't quite know yet.  I made a new journal on blogspot with a pretty new name that I liked; I'm in the process of copying all 1200+ LJ entries over to a backup on blogspot (just a journal duplication, for now).  I stared at the blank new journal with its pretty new name, and I thought.
I should write something.

And I can't.  Instead, I've been reading journal entries from years back, and I'm amazed at how this has evolved.  Go back to the early-medical-school entries - in 2002 - and then come back to 2008 and read them.  It's a different voice.  Somewhere along the line I stopped talking to myself and started talking to someone else. 

I like it better that way.  It's certainly more interesting for me to read.  But I've hit a wall, suddenly, staring at the pretty new blank journal.  It reminds me of when everything was in notebooks, and I filled an old one, and I got out a new one (I have an extensive collection of blank notebooks) and stared at it, afraid that I would write something that wasn't worthy of being written down.
I have an extensive collection of notebooks which I have filled with things and probably many of them didn't need to be written down, but in the end it didn't matter, did it?

For New Years, O Best Beloved, I resolve to stop asking for someone else's approval for everything I do.

  • On the Road...

    We'll be heading out on Saturday for a month-long mission trip to Papua New Guinea. Committed to trying to blog daily while there - will be sharing…

  • Drive-By posting: Miriam

    In case anyone is wondering what my daughter is up to these days, here she is! In other news, today was an ER day from hell, and I'm going to bed…

  • (no subject)

    Sauntered in at 0730 with the intention of meeting fellowship director, who gives a lie to the old-dogs-new-tricks mantra, for a little chat about…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded