?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Alpha and Omega - Nobody wears a white coat any more...
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
Alpha and Omega
It's another sad story, O Best Beloved.  I promise I've got some happy ones to tell you too.

Morning section day - around noon I headed back to do a C-section with
The World's Fastest Physician ("I'm going to have to let you do things
eventually, aren't I?"). Twenty minutes later, I walked out to a huddle
of nursing staff.

"Doctor B!"



Triage room contained a patient a month shy of her due date whose last
reported fetal movement was over twelve hours ago. "Having trouble
getting heart tones." Intern on OB call has only ever touched an
ultrasound machine twice. Ultrasonography tech is on her way. I walk in
the room and introduce myself to a tearful and clearly terrified woman
with a full-moon belly, her husband. We turn the lights down. And I
watch as a motionless baby scrolls past, with a motionless heart, and I
feel myself go cold and trembling, and you have to say it. Someone has
to.



I'm sorry. Your baby has died.



And moments later our ultrasonography technician comes in, and she
doesn't waste words or questions, taking the report from me, probe
flickering over a belly now quivering with sobs. Color flow confirms no
cardiac activity. She's gone as quickly as she came.



And I'm standing in a room with a woman I've known for ten minutes,
telling her some of the worst news I can possibly imagine, and all I
can say is "I'm so sorry." And she looks at her husband and sobs, and
her mother is there at a run, and all the medical degrees, all the
education, all the years of experience in the world can't change that
moment where the only thing I am good for is to hand over the box of
Kleenex and let her wring my hand until the fingers feel like they're
melding into one.



And I can't help in the moment but to cry myself, feel the raw terror
that someday I will be this woman, and even now to wonder why things
like this should ever come to pass. It's a question without answers,
and one that leaves me hopeless and drowning in the test of faith.
2 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
Comments
jays_princess From: jays_princess Date: October 25th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
scenarios like this scare me to death, the closer i get to my due date. in my mind, i freak out about "when was the last time i felt him move?"

and then i feel him, and for an instant, feel better, knowing that the next freak out is mere hours away.
deadrose From: deadrose Date: October 27th, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Yeah, I have a friend who's been trying to get pregnant with a second child for a few years now, and finally succeeded this summer - only to find last week that the fetal growth had stopped within the past few weeks and she simply hadn't miscarried. Friday she had the D&C. Very sad for her as this was right at her self-imposed maternal age deadline, so she's pretty well out of luck now.

Another friend is in her second trimester, with continued violent morning sickness and migraines so frequent and bad (she was a rare migraneur pre-pregnancy) that they've sent her to a couple of different neurologists in an effort to find out what's going on.

And here I, who was supposed to have trouble conceiving, gave birth to three healthy kids. Sometimes I wish I could have shared my fertility around. *sigh*
2 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word