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It's hard to be both... - Nobody wears a white coat any more... — LiveJournal
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
It's hard to be both...
We took a trip to the ER last night. Miriam ran a fever from a viral kind of infection, and shortly after I gave her some ibuprofen she started seizing.
I don't know how to explain it, O Best Beloved, the feeling that comes over you. I've seen plenty of seizures, kids in status epilepticus, don't bat an eye. But when it's my own daughter...
I got her on her side on the couch and tried - however futilely - to snap her out of it. I debated what to do, screamed her name, blew in her face. She just kept seizing, and about the time she turned blue I called 911.
I'm terribly embarrassed to admit how completely I panicked, but that's exactly what happened. I was amazed at how calm I sounded, how reasonable. "My 16 month old just had a febrile seizure. No, she's not still seizing, I don't think." I pried her eyes open, peered at her pupils. Reactive. "No, she's postictal. Not responding. Yes, she's breathing. Yes, regular." The whole thing was two minutes or so, just long enough to take ten years off my life.

We rode the ambulance to the ER because I didn't know if I could drive. I called ahead, told the ER doc we were coming, picked up my wallet and my laptop and got in the ambulance.

I haven't stopped worrying yet. I know she's fine - blood count was normal, she was back to normal before we left - but I don't think I'll ever forget that scene.
It's one thing to watch Someone Else's Baby gurgling and shaking and choking...it's a whole different thing when it's your own.

One of my darkest fears has always been that if something bad happened to my child that I wouldn't be appropriately concerned about her, that my medical background would preclude me from a mother's instincts. It seems that isn't so.

She's fully recovered and back up to snuff now. And if she lets me I'll tell you later about this summer's public service announcement, punctuated by miracles.

It's hard to be both...

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12 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
jillofthejungle From: jillofthejungle Date: May 20th, 2008 06:28 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Oh gees...I'm so sorry you had to go through this! At least everything turned out okay.
sugar_spun From: sugar_spun Date: May 20th, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
How frightening. I'm glad she's doing better.
gamerchick From: gamerchick Date: May 20th, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
I heard about this last night. Glad to hear you are all doing okay now.
lovefromgirl From: lovefromgirl Date: May 20th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
If I were your 911 operator, I would send you flowers. As panicky as you felt, you kept your head when it was important. I'm so glad to hear everything turned out all right. ♥
From: broken_onewon1 Date: May 20th, 2008 10:07 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
I'm glad to hear she's ok :)
clipdude From: clipdude Date: May 20th, 2008 11:06 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
That must have been terrifying. I am really glad your daughter is okay.

How do you think this will change how you deal with patients?
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: May 23rd, 2008 12:56 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Now that's a journal entry in itself :)

The short version? I don't think I'll ever be able to blow off a panicky mom again.
daimones From: daimones Date: May 20th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Wow. I'm glad she's doing better. How about you and the Mr?

*sends loves*
surgeonufo From: surgeonufo Date: May 21st, 2008 04:07 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
It sounds to me like you did a very impressive job keeping your head. Even with the intense personal bond you remembered your professional training. I'm glad to hear that all is well and hope that nothing more comes from it.
mdrnprometheus From: mdrnprometheus Date: May 21st, 2008 10:24 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
I'm pretty sure that when it happens to my kid, be it an isolated seizure or an ALTE or just dehydration, I too will get panicky and irritating. I'm just glad she's OK.
shoebucket From: shoebucket Date: May 23rd, 2008 12:43 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Holy cow.

I'm glad she's back to her normal self; I tend to be a bit of an empath, so it scares the living hell out of me when I even read about these kinds of things happening to those whom I know & care about - I can't imagine how awful it must be to actually be there.

*big virtual hugs* are wafting through cyberspace to you and yours.
turnberryknkn From: turnberryknkn Date: May 30th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
I'm very glad she's better.

And she is adorable. :-)
12 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word