I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name

Just some thoughts.

This morning Angel was in the shower, and I was trying to wait out the headache I had from playing WoW until 2 am, which left the Miricups to roam around the bedroom. We have a stall shower in our master bath, and this will become relevant in a moment. The Miricups is very worried about showers; she will stand outside the door and make worried noises and try to see in. Once, I brought her in with me and that was serious trauma...
I hear the shower shut off and the door open. I hear "Miriam...Daddy has to get out of the shower. Will you let him get out?" I hear her babbling. "Does Daddy have to stay in the shower forever?" There's a pause before I hear my fourteen-month-old daughter say quite clearly: "Yes."

I couldn't stop laughing. She knows a few words; when she signs "food" she's starting to make "ffffff" noises and she definitely knows "up" and "cheese" and sometimes "kitty". But mostly she still communicates by pointing. I'd never heard "yes" before.
She's sitting in the back of the car eating coffee cake right now and making a right mess of it. I've been home with her some over the past few days and it's been nice. I find myself alternately enraptured and ready to strangle her...she's old enough to do things even though she knows we don't want her to. You can see her checking whether we're watching.

I'm tired this morning. Wondering what I'll find when I go back to work on Monday, whether my patient who used all her 2-week supply of narcotics in 8 days actually went to the ER or not. I told her friend who gets her meds for her that I couldn't write any more, not even "just a weekend" worth. The first refill I gave her four days early; the second was absolutely a no-go. If she'ss in that much pain she needs to be seen, not just a phone call that she's out of meds on Thursday afternoon. Especially when I've told them before there will be no more early refills...I meant it. Sorry.

Starting to catch up from med chief, but I feel sort of adrift. I'll be going to Baltimore at the end of this month to do a poster presentation on smoking cessation in pregnant women, and I should start work on that. I have a two-week Research rotation specifically for that purpose, actually.

Working on scheduling for next year. For those who are counting on the Thanksgiving party, I've made it clear that I will not be taking call then, so plan on it at the usual time this year.

I'm getting a little nervous. My mother-in-law and I are talking about contracts and starting to firm up plans for when I practice down there in 18 months or so. I'm looking for a place to do deliveries. I know what her EMR is and I did a month down there seeing patients and rotating around. I like the area. But the idea of not having any faculty...
It's a big deal, really. Frightening. I don't know if I'll every truly be "ready" to be on my own. What if I make a mistake? What if I kill someone? What if I'm really not all that good?
I think I am, though. I think my doubts serve as a spur to make me do my best, and I think maybe I'll be able to do this.

Had a strange encounter the other day. I saw a 4-day-old African-American baby for jaundice. "His eyes turned yellow." I looked him over, confirmed the absence of red flags (eating well, alert, playful) and looked him over. Told mom I thought he was probably OK but that it was hard to tell with dark-skinned babies exactly how jaundiced they were, so let's get some labs to be sure. She agreed. I found the closest lab for her. She left. An hour later she was on the phone swearing at my front desk staff about what a racist I was and how she should have punched me.
I'm sorry, ma'am, but this is an established fact of visible-spectrum physics. Your baby has brown skin. Jaundice is yellow. Brown plus yellow equals...brown. It's not like light-skinned babies who turn orangey-gold.

And that's it for now...the client is cutting me off.
Tags: cameraphone

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