I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name

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Growing up...

We bought an armoire - the kind you have to put together with a screwdriver.
We threw out the old $5.00 Goodwill couch with the broken arm that had been occupying the space beside the couch and underneath Frodo (dreamy sigh. Froooodo...) today. Hauled it out to the alleyway.
I kept the cushions. They're in the library, on the floor.
And we put the armoire together and then spent like an hour putting things on it. Dishes, glasses, nativity sets (one from France, traditional sculpted clay figurines; the other from the Holy Land, olive wood) with no baby Jesus in them yet. And it looks so grown up! I was so proud of myself for it.

Matt, sitting on the couch reading character gen rules for B-Movie. I go over to the bathroom and find that there's a Grill Brush sitting on the floor, in the middle of the doorway. Have you ever examined a full-fledged Grill Brush for its surprise-attack potential? It's got all these evil wire bristles and a gougy metal thingy on the end. Very high on the lethality scale. Particularly footward-directed. Furthermore, I have no fucking clue why there is a Grill Brush on the floor in the bathroom doorway.
The following is approximately the conversation that ensued.
"Angel? There's a lethal hazard to the bathroom..."
"Oh?" he says, not looking up.
"Yes. There's a Grill Brush in the doorway."
"I didn't put it there," he says, peering over to see if there is indeed a Grill Brush in the doorway.
"Does that mean you won't pick it up?" Mind, I am calling to him from inside the bathroom, having successfully navigated the Grill Brush to achieve the toilet, which is why I was going to the bathroom in the first place.
"No," he says, coming over to pick up the Grill Brush. "It means I'm not trying to kill you."
I'm so relieved.

The following is excerpted from the ArcanaMOO public channel:
[Public] Chavaleh> My Vita has a first name... it's ... uh.. I dunno.
[Public] Phloxin giggles.
[Public] Chavaleh> Maybe my Vita's more like.. Cher.. or Madonna.
[Public] Chavaleh> Or, like.. Jesus.
[Public] Chavaleh> Well, wait.
[Public] Chavaleh> Jesus Christ.
[Public] Chavaleh> Darn.
[Public] Vita> Jesus Vita?
[Public] Phloxin> wow
[Public] Chavaleh> Okay, but, like, that's not Jesus's real last name. So it's more like... Jesus. So then it's just like that.
[Public] Chavaleh> No, more like.. Jesus. Vita. Cher. Madonna. Gallagher.
[Public] Vita walks on water.
[Public] Chavaleh calculates the necessary surface tension of the water for that to be possible.
[Public] Chavaleh> I wonder if God had to calculate the surface tension real quick-like when Jesus walked on water.
[Public] Phloxin> Nah, I think Jesus just did it him self.
[Public] Chavaleh> I just got the weirdest mental image of my Physics teacher as Jesus.
[Public] Phloxin chuckles.
[Public] Chavaleh> If I were in the boat when Jesus was walking on water, I'd be like, "Jesus, how much surface tension you got goin' there?" And then Jesus and I would have this great intellectual conversation about Physics, and all the other guys' heads would explode except for that guy that had to walk on water and fall in.. and he'd be all like, 'Yes, I understand Physics.' But he really wouldn't because he'd be not cool like that. And Jesus and I would totally know he was lying.. and so when he fell in the water, I'd be like, 'Man, you are -all- -wet-.' And Jesus and I, oh, how we'd laugh.
[Public] Phloxin> That's actually quite impressive.
[Public] Chavaleh> And then Jesus would make a lame pun, and I'd go, 'Aw, Jesus!'. And then we'd laugh because it's almost blasphemy, but it's really just me talking to him. And it'd become this inside joke, right, so then I'd go with him on his travels, and every so often I'd say, 'Aw, Jesus!' to him.. and everybody would gasp and shock, but Jesus would just slap his knee and giggle. A holy giggle.
[Public] Chavaleh> In shock..
[Public] Chavaleh> And we'd go visit his parents on, like, Passover and stuff.
[Public] Chavaleh> And if someone asked me who I was visiting, I'd act all annoyed and go, "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary!" And they'd be like, "Watch yo' mouf, foo'!" And then when I told them what I meant, man, would they be embarrassed.
[Public] Chavaleh> And at the end of all this, I'd totally write my own version of the New Testament all about the silly jokes that Jesus and I made during our lives. And there'd be a whole religion founded around it. They'd call themselves 'Hilarions' and they'd celebrate such holidays as Surface Tension Day, where they'd go to services and greet each other with, 'Happy Holy Giggle!'. And there'd be this special ceremony in which each person would try to walk across the baptism tub thing, and when they fell in, which they always would, the congregation must say, in unison, 'You're all wet!'. And thus ends my ramblings.

I laughed so fucking hard.

And now...now that I've been spreading LiveJournal codes around the world (anyone else who knows me want one?) it's bedtime. Goodnight.

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