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I check my baby every night... - Nobody wears a white coat any more...
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
I check my baby every night...
Walked into the peds ICU this morning. My patient is a cute little 12-month-old who had a grand mal seizure with refractory status epilepticus about 8 hours after her year shots. Certain features (such as an abnormally small head) on clinical examination lead us to believe that it was not the shots that made her seize, though they may have contributed. She is doing well and being extubated today.

Next door to her in the bay lies L. Born at 34 weeks and home from the NICU 1 week ago, she's not even supposed to be out of the womb yet - and now probably will never see that milestone. Her parents fed her and put her down to sleep one night, and two hours later she was found limp, lifeless, and pulseless. Resuscitative efforts produced a heartbeat and clonic muscle activity and nothing else. She was transported here to die, really; the chance for survival - let alone meaningful survival - is essentially nil. We wait twenty-four to seventy-two hours, do an apnea test (if the brain doesn't have a drive to breathe, it doesn't have a drive to function) and a brain perfusion test or an EEG. And that's it...
I went into her room when her parents were out, and stood there, just looking at a perfect little baby under a brightly lit warmer and couldn't stop from crying. Morning rounds were subdued this morning, as A presented her case. Nobody asked many questions - we all just listened.
Her grandma wanted to know, he said, if there was something she could do to help someone else.

I don't understand this one, O Best Beloved, and I don't know how to begin to.

now feeling:: sad sad

5 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
Comments
reynardo From: reynardo Date: October 10th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
I don't understand this one, O Best Beloved, and I don't know how to begin to. And that's the worst part of it, and my son, who's 15, will wonder why I make the effort in the morning to have breakfast with him.

Her grandma wanted to know, he said, if there was something she could do to help someone else.

Bless a grandma. She knows, she's probably been there before with friends or relatives or maybe herself. The child was Called, and there's no denying when the Call comes. There needs to be tears, and mourning, and questions that can never be answered.

But maybe, just maybe, something good can come out of it.
lovefromgirl From: lovefromgirl Date: October 10th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Oh, damn. Status epilepticus in someone that small? I can hardly imagine it.

Poor darlings, both of them, but they're lucky to have you looking out for them.
meran12345 From: meran12345 Date: October 10th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Darwin works in Darwin's ways.

From: dr_bobbie Date: October 11th, 2007 01:47 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Senseless, illogical things that happen to such innocents always make me cry. My husband says it's hormones. I think it comes from being a mother. These perfect little packages, so much closer to heaven than we; I have to think that the only consolation is that they are returning to the arms of the Father, to a place so much better than here. I'm tearing up just typing this.

In all of this, God knows what is best. Take comfort in that, or try to. And when I am in your stead, be sure to remind me of this as well, because it's so easy to forget, so difficult to find solace.
buggrit_1979 From: buggrit_1979 Date: October 12th, 2007 08:12 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
I couldn't reply to this earlier because it made me cry. I had to go have a lie-down.

I don't know how you do what you do every day, dear heart.
5 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word