As I was writing a delivery note (as the only docvtor in the room during the delivery, I get all the paperwork) NICU camer back to tell me the baby didn't make it.
I'm still numb, still so tired and drained that I can't tell you what I felt or how at the thought. I kept stealing glances at the warmer, surrounded by nurses in royal blue, catching an occasional flash of baby or bag or tube. She was so tiny, only a pound and a quarter, but her chances should have been good. So what happened?
I don't know. I am home now2, but I need to sleep away this bone-deep weariness before I can feel again. It has been a very long Christmas.