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Other side of the booth... - Nobody wears a white coat any more... — LiveJournal
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
Other side of the booth...
I am sad tonight.
My Angel is playing games at home with friends. I have been on the go since I got up Tuesday morning. Wednesday I slept on the plane to Chicago, I slept in O'Hare when my flight was delayed, I slept from O'Hare to Kansas City, and then I went to dinner with the residents. Thursday I went to meetings and out to dinner. Today I gave my report and talked up the STFM spot all morning, made rounds in the exhibit hall (forgive me; I take toys from booth people) and chatted with the STFM folks and AnnFamMed and the AAFP's new FamMedPAC and anyone else I could find and then I have been in a meeting since 1400; I have been socializing and networking and being cheerful and informative and thoughtful all day. I want my Angel, I want to let my brain rest. I want to snuggle and be held, and failing that I want to have him talking to me. I am selfish. I am an introvert. I think I sulked at him on the phone; for that I am sorry.

I've been hanging out at the booth a bit, talking with my fellow residents, drawing people in. I've mostly been circulating, talking up the STFM spot, making friends. Exhausting work. I can't remember anyone's name, ever. It frustrates me - I can be having a conversation with someone and I'll suddenly realize I'm casually looking for their nametag so I know what to call them. It's just the way of things, and I'll have to keep working on it. On the good side, everyone seems to like me. They wave and strike up conversations. On the bad side, this means I have to think of things to talk about - and sooner or later the conversation about the STFM is going to come to an end.
I ran into one of my Board friends at the lunch table; he waved me over, hugged me, beckoned me to sit down. "I'm working on a book, want to see the outline?" I remembered: he'd been talking about a Dermatology atlas at the last meeting, he'd wanted pictures of my arm. I asked. "Oh, no, I'm on the second version of that. This is a photo atlas." He showed me pictures and an outline. He asked if I wanted to help write. I'd love to. I'd love to learn about the material well enough to write on it, that would be wonderful. "Have you written before?" Not professionally. He said he'd email me the format; I'm looking at the ear chapter maybe. It's who you know.
I have also been promised by one of the Education Committee people that he will put me in touch with a group that takes two-week medical missions to Afghanistan; they are happy to take residents with them. We had a drink together, a handful of us. It was nice. I think I will keep the STFM, and the IAFP (where my team leader reported that I was missed and that everyone asked about me), and perhaps the AAFP - although I do not know many of them yet. Now I just have to find something to do this year.

I think I will go see if I can take advantage of the hotel's reasonably deep tub and hot water, as there is little else to do at this time of night, by myself, without becoming incomparably maudlin. I want my quality time. I will be on ER next month block and I will be working mostly evenings, 2p to 2a or 2p to midnight. So much for seeing my Angel.

Tags: , ,
now feeling:: lonely lonely

5 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
From: dr_bobbie Date: July 30th, 2005 03:26 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Okay, in the midst of the hell that was my first month (you seemed to handle yours better than me, kiddo--I just praise God that I'm alive, and so are my patients), I missed this whole tag thing that everyone's doing. Just what the heck?

And don't spread yourself so thin! You are your worst critic, remember? I thank God everyday for knowing you, and I'm sure there are a ton of others out there like me--keep doing what you're doing! ::hug::

I regret not thinking ahead and getting the time off for this conference. Gah! This year is going to bring out all my faults--and that, I think, is going to be the most painful experience of all.

I meant for this to be a comment, and it somehow became an entry. >
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: July 30th, 2005 03:35 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
If it's any consolation, there are *very* few interns here. :)

We'll meet up one day. Maybe next year.
xxasimont From: xxasimont Date: July 30th, 2005 04:50 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Don't worry, lots of people have problems with remembering names. I'm very bad at it, but I find if I want someone's attention and I have forgotten their name, 'excuse me' works well for everyone, and they don't realise you've forgotten! If I really HAVE to learn someone's name, I try and finger-spell it (deaf sign language) a few times, I find the combination of tactile and visual remembering helps better than just hearing to remembering. Maybe that would work for you (and every Dr should really know at least the alpabet for when you get deaf patients). Personally I think it should be mandatorily taught along with the written alphabet at the beginning of school
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: July 30th, 2005 04:52 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Hm. That's an interesting one - I do know finger-spelling, so it might work. I'll have to try it.
From: broken_onewon1 Date: July 30th, 2005 07:05 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Sorry your lonely. Hope this finds you feeling better. *Hugs*
5 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word