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Ennui strikes - Nobody wears a white coat any more...
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
Ennui strikes
I am seized, O Best Beloved, by a feeling of disconnect.
I am sitting in my family room. Kai is stalking the house; Xev is making her quiet way around the couch, tiny bells ringing to mark where the kittens are. I have two friends here and my husband is home, but I feel as if I am in a different world. I do not want to play World of Warcraft, or write this entry (although it comes like the long exhalation of a morose sigh), or watch the Sci-Fi channel or read my e-mail. I want to feel the soft subtle click of belonging and it is missing. I fail to understand why.
Xev is watching me type, showing a kittenly interest in the movement of fingers on keys, the tiny eyes and mittened-paws patting lightly at me. Do the kittens love me?
I know, O Best Beloved, I am feeling sorry for myself. There is little value in luxuriating in misery; I will cheer up when I choose to cheer up.

Company is here, O Best Beloved; I will make an effort and try to connect.

now feeling:: melancholy melancholy

6 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
Comments
tyomniye From: tyomniye Date: October 9th, 2004 02:24 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
*snugs*
dempcat From: dempcat Date: October 9th, 2004 05:20 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Professional curiosity - do you remember having felt ennui prior to having learned the word ennui?
pwwka From: pwwka Date: October 9th, 2004 05:49 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Company expands one's sense of loneliness like nothing else can. You're not just lonely, you're excluded. Like a thick, viscous bubble has wrapped itself around your consciousness and just thinking about conversing through the weighted, clinging fluid is tiring.

Fortunately, kittens and puppies tend to rend through bubbles with their sharp little claws.

Kai looks much as you did. It's the eyes, methinks.
alythe From: alythe Date: October 9th, 2004 05:58 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)

*sighs*

I misses yous, ladylady. How long has it been since i've given you a hug? Or even just seen you in person? It feels like... it must be months, it feels like years. Life keeps moving and I keep moving and things keep changing and....

I miss you.

We should schedule a lunch sometime... or something. I know it's a stretch, but sometime when i'm in the neighborhood i'm gonna kidnap you for a bit. I just never know when i'm gonna be there or when you're gonna be there... bleh!

Did you know i'm a 'Para-Professional Young People's Specialist' now? Basically a children-oriented Reference Librarian. Full time at the branch where i wanted to work. Like i said... things keep changing.
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: October 9th, 2004 10:42 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)

Re: *sighs*

I'm coming up to South Bend for two interviews. Am I still invited to stay with you?
alythe From: alythe Date: October 10th, 2004 02:27 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)

*smiles*

Lady, of course you are! Whenever you need a place to stay, feel free to look me up!

Of course, it would be good to know when you're coming so i can be sure to be there and have the house a bit more clean than it is at the moment... Yipes! My house looks like a hurricane hit it!

I'd be thrilled and honored if you came to visit, tho.
6 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word