?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Open season on interpretations: "Sparrowsong" - Nobody wears a white coat any more... — LiveJournal
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
Open season on interpretations: "Sparrowsong"
     O my love
        if only you
could listen--hear--
             remember

    Days ago
the silence O
          you wishing back
  September

            Nights have gone
and taken dreams
               the frozen winter
    morning

           Shadows' own,
                         my summer child
now lost in days
          a-borning

The time was once
              and now is gone
      my love, my days of
                   glory

When winter's chill
          kept you beside
     to hear the fabled
                    story

And O my love
           my child if you
would listen--and 
              remember

    The days ago
  when comfort O
              was nestled in
December
           NsB 25-11-02


...Felt done right there, but as I read it, I'm not sure. Is it finished, or does it need something more?

now feeling:: drained drained
now hearing:: The boys hassling Rachel in the background

1 whisper echoes . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
Comments
jillofthejungle From: jillofthejungle Date: November 25th, 2002 12:43 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)

Wow

That's beautiful.

And as to whether it needs more or not...I can't tell. Sorta feel like the ending is fine...but then I have a feeling like there's something missing...but I can't figure it out.

It's a good sign when you can create something like this that will have that effect. Not everything needs to be completely finished/closed. :)
1 whisper echoes . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word