December 26th, 2005

Altar cross

Happy Birthday to me...

Post-midnight C-section on a 325-lb woman. And the fun didn't stop there; at 0500 I was called out of a room where I was unsuccessfully attempting to determine the position of a twin labor (vertex-vertex on Friday, and I don't see how there would be room for them to turn) to check a perinatology patient. 26 weeks or so, lots of pressure, cerclage supposedly in place. I reached in for a cervical check and found nothing but a bulging bag of water. I told the perinatologist. Both she and my backup OB were still en rote when baby delivered in the OR in a splash of water. NICU was there.
As I was writing a delivery note (as the only docvtor in the room during the delivery, I get all the paperwork) NICU camer back to tell me the baby didn't make it.
I'm still numb, still so tired and drained that I can't tell you what I felt or how at the thought. I kept stealing glances at the warmer, surrounded by nurses in royal blue, catching an occasional flash of baby or bag or tube. She was so tiny, only a pound and a quarter, but her chances should have been good. So what happened?
I don't know. I am home now2, but I need to sleep away this bone-deep weariness before I can feel again. It has been a very long Christmas.