October 8th, 2004

Modern Art

Ennui strikes

I am seized, O Best Beloved, by a feeling of disconnect.
I am sitting in my family room. Kai is stalking the house; Xev is making her quiet way around the couch, tiny bells ringing to mark where the kittens are. I have two friends here and my husband is home, but I feel as if I am in a different world. I do not want to play World of Warcraft, or write this entry (although it comes like the long exhalation of a morose sigh), or watch the Sci-Fi channel or read my e-mail. I want to feel the soft subtle click of belonging and it is missing. I fail to understand why.
Xev is watching me type, showing a kittenly interest in the movement of fingers on keys, the tiny eyes and mittened-paws patting lightly at me. Do the kittens love me?
I know, O Best Beloved, I am feeling sorry for myself. There is little value in luxuriating in misery; I will cheer up when I choose to cheer up.

Company is here, O Best Beloved; I will make an effort and try to connect.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy