March 26th, 2004

Nescafe rabbit

It's raining today.

Come rain come down
Come rain come down
Heaven's tears of mercy
Come a-runnin' down...

-- Kindling, "Rain Come Down"

It's a song we sang at NYC with the choir, and I got the CD because I loved the song so much. And today, it's raining.

Finished with my Medicine exam. Ran over to the med sci building to check my mailbox. Two evaluations, in familiar green paper. My OB-GYN and Anaesthesia grades are back.
Anaesthesia is an honors pass, better than I expected. I scored in the top 25% of the group on the final and had an excellent clinical performance. A small triumph, but a triumph nonetheless. And then I popped open the OB evaluation.
I expected to pass, maybe high-pass OB-GYN; I did better on the exam than I'd thought. Flipped open the paper. Pass. Straight down the middle of the sheet, circled 3's except for a 4 in Knowledge Base. Not what I expected when my resident who did my midterm evaluation had told me she thought I was wonderful, compassionate and professional, doing quite well with no glaring room for improvement - 3's are not what I expected but I'll live with it. Pages attached. Collapse )
I want to be a good doctor. More than that, I have the unreasonable but undeniable desire to make everyone like me. I was floating yesterday out of the office as my preceptor gave me a hug and promised that if there was anything I needed, recommendations, letters, anything, I was to call her, because she thought I was wonderful and would make an excellent doctor. High praise from a woman who I was privately informed was probably the best female internist in the region, and one of the best internists in the state. Very high praise.
And it means far more to me than the anonymous defamation of my character left behind by the OB-GYN's.
I just wish that defamation didn't sting so hard.
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