February 21st, 2004

Smoke in the forest

So it wasn't such a little nap.

Angel woke me up two hours later to tell me to just go to sleep. So I did, and I've had like 10 hours and I feel pretty good, thanks.

It's morning, a little before 6 AM, and Angel is coming down for the afternoon. He was maybe going to bring me company but it looks like no, that unexpected company popped in for a visit this weekend at home instead and the original plans fell through.
Too bad. It would've been fun.

I got to talk a little bit with people last night before my nap, people I've missed talking to. Everything in everyone else's life is a nightmare tangle of emotions and attachments and miscommunication. And I can't do anything about it, because they're all locked in their own paradigms. Love isn't supposed to hurt like this. And it hurts me to know how much pain there is, but it hurts me so much more to know that there's pain and people aren't talking. Because I want to be a healer...and I believe that part of my Purpose is to heal...but I feel like I'm staring at a seeded infection, walled off in some kind of abscess of misery. And I want to shake people sometimes, because there seems to be this underlying refusal to change. They keep doing the things that hurt them. They keep following the paths that wound them. They keep closing their eyes.
And I've done it. I've been there. Someone shook me.

On a lesser note, Q, Collapse )
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    awake awake

Nykki, says my attending, can I send you on a mission?

I promise, she says, I'm not abusing you as a medical student. It's just that that idiot who takes care of my daughter (referring to her husband) calls me on my phone, and it's in my coat pocket down on 4S. Cute phone.

Socks at Target: they weren't really socks, more like little meshy socklike thingies, labelled quite clearly: "Foot accessories." I was terrified.

Acquired nine new pairs of socks and six of underwear, Why do they call it underwear? This was ultimately to prevent me from having to do laundry vis-a-vis the socks, and because I'm tired of my underwear rolling down my butt when I walk around, due to it being either a size too big or stretched out or something.

Today my patient with nausea and vomiting was a horror. I'm sure she will be tomorrow, so I'll tell you about her then. I wish I could not resent her. It's slowly turning into pity, which I think is a bit better. The man with pancreatitis went to Surgery. I went home at 10:30. Spent the rest of the day shopping with Angel while his car got new tires. Bought a karaoke machine for $20. The friends will hate us :)

Tomorrow is call. Another night of lots of sleep sounds good to me, O Best Beloved. Good night.
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    happy happy