June 24th, 2003

Nescafe rabbit

Don't touch that, it's dangerous.

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In other news, I am quite certain that I do not like who and what I'm becoming. I'm just not quite sure what it is, or why or how, nor what to do. This is going to require some thought.
Perhaps the kind of thought that comes after I'm not working 12-hour days and staring at the clock wondering why it's 12:30 and I'm not asleep when I'm supposed to be taking call with the OB resident on duty (Dr. F) tomorrow night. This is part of the whole mess.

Then again, I finished Harry Potter 5 ($16 at Wal-Mart, couldn't say no) and was satisfied by it. Some good solid bookworming will perhaps restore my will to find equilibrium.
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Me and Angel

Write? What is this writing thing.

So it's been a few days since I've updated. At least with any sort of content . The most important thing, I guess, is that last night's cryptic words were taken to bed with me and relayed to Angel. He listened as I thought and cried, and he reassured me - despite my negativity - that I wasn't as bad as I thought. But he also nodded in the right places, and we talked and stayed up late and I feel better today - more connected, more motivated, more...more real than I have for a while. And I see what the choices I haven't made have been, and that changes things. I'm not myself. That's why it's weighing on my mind so much.
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In other news, Mike and Erica came down this weekend, got stuck in traffic and food and that's why they were late, which makes me feel bad for being frustrated about it. And yet it's probably good that they didn't walk in on my little attention-whore fit I threw. Got frustrated because Angel went down to his parents office to fix the computers and left me alone for Saturday with the tension. Made a bitch of myself over it. Stalked out of the house in a snit because Lily didn't ask me if I was okay, just him. Sometimes...I amaze even myself.

Many many stories to tell about Friday, Monday, and today with Dr. B, including getting to do another Pap/pelvic (I miss you, ishotkenney, you can sympathise!) on a woman who was so grossly obese I couldn't feel her uterus. But right now what I need is to go to bed, because I need a good night's sleep for once.

Tomorrow: A to-do list the size of Cleveland. Best get started on it right after didactics :)
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