May 5th, 2003

Nescafe rabbit

Bing!

It rained last night. All night. What a beautiful sound to fall asleep to: soft thunder and lightning and the sound of falling rain.
Medicine exam was quite a nasty trick on us. Lots of eeny-meenie-miney-moe and all that, by the people around me. 173 questions, 45 pages, mostly case scenarios. OB-GYN was all random facts we hadn't been taught, since we weren't down there. Ick, what a mess. But I'm sure it came out all right. Apparently our raw scores go down to Indy and get adjusted, usually the average being mid-70's and still some of the highest in the state.

I won't know until tomorrow morning, when I call Lowene and find out.
But on the good side, there was an error in the answer key for the path exam. Scores have been adjusted: now I have an 83.3%. Yay!
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Nescafe rabbit

All things.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Rom. 8:28

I repeat it and I believe it, with all my heart and mind and soul. God causes all things to work together for good. But it's so hard sometimes, the hardest thing of all.
I remember crying in the lobby, in Michan's spare socks, crying and crying and unable to wrap my mind around it. All things. All things. Where was the good then? Will I ever know?

And it comes back to me now, now in an hour as dark as any, on the same eve where I claim triumph. Where is the good? What great work can possibly be woven of this?

God of grace and God of glory; comforter, shepherd, guide and guardian; redeemer of all things for Your good; for Your purpose: Shelter and guide her, comfort her and protect her. And please, in this time of all times, give at least a little glimpse of what possible purpose this end can achieve. It's so hard to believe, so hard to understand.
It's dark; and I can hardly see, let alone offer any guidance. It's up to You.
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    sad sad