April 26th, 2003

Nescafe rabbit

sum·ma·tion. Noun. 4: a final part of an argument reviewing points made and expressing conclusions.

Exam re-taking went well today, I suppose. Improved from my original scores on all but one exam by 10-20 points. I must be learning something. Highlight: 93% accuracy on the Semester 1 Final. How clear my mind seems now. How much of that was improved by my notes all over the exam? I'll never know. Progress, however, is good. Now to put away Pathology, and study Medicine until Wednesday.

Roleplaying went well. Much opportunity for character development was seen, then lost as the conversation drifted away and we wrapped up before I got a chance to think about it. He isn't who I want him to be, and it's because I'm so used to having a chance to really interact. It seems like things have gotten more and more sparse, with nothing getting started until 9 or 10, then ending by 12 or 1. Nobody really seems to care. It was fun, nonetheless.

I think...you know, that sums up how I'm feeling right now. Much opportunity for character development, and no time to develop the character. I see people in flashes, with other people, I talk to them online briefly - no expressions, no touch, no eye contact. Nothing that comes securely into the real (do I do anything real any more?)...
No chance to talk. No time to talk. No long stretches of comfortable silence, no time spent just for company and companionship and to feel the soft tugging of the thing that ties us together, we two. No time for two, no time for time, for trouble, for thought...no time. No time, and no (it seems in the dark aftermidnight) desire to make a time. Just this hollow empty sociability, a shallow skin-deep high-school fulfillment that exhausts me and drags out the pained and broken child within.

I know 
the cold and calloused
         girl I was, 
                will be

    for you had been to me
            before the sad 
                    and silent sea

                            I knew
    were me
           I knew one day
                   I knew the dream
        would flee

                the girl I was
                            the girl I'll be

I see
             is not tomorrow, wait
                      for me
         you know
               I see
                    I was
                           I knew


Goodnight, moon.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
Nescafe rabbit

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date...

Woke up at 11:20, after lying in bed half-asleep and dreaming for two hours. I should've been studying.
Snapped at Angel for being a little sulky about having his brain picked so I could balance Quicken. Have to go apologise once he's off the phone.

Brought all my records up to date on Quicken. Status: We have less credit-card debt and slightly more bills to pay than I thought, thanks to that mysterious car insurance bill I never remember about. Payday is, as usual, going to be aptly timed, but we can manage it.
Mental note to fill out the direct-withdrawal forms for the mortgage and let Renee work her magic on direct-depositing.
Eyeing the NMS medicine book with trepidation and fear. I suppose now is as good as any a time to start. After lunch.
And in all the excitement of being unhappy last night, I forgot to mention: Cast is cut down to a short forearm cast. It's purple, Dr. H. is still hot and very encouraged by my X-rays (Alignment's perfect. Absolutely perfect), and I have the appointment to get the cast off.
Friday, 9 May.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake