March 20th, 2003

Nescafe rabbit

In starlight/I whisper Your name....

I think....I think there is poetry somewhere inside to express the anguish and the bewilderment, the confustion and the pain. I think it's there.
But it's lost behind a blanket of indifference, of "I'm tired of this shit"; submerged beneath cynicism and worry. Why spend your time staring at a television screen (I haven't turned mine on tonight; I got my news from CNN's homepage, and only the cover story at that) when there's a set of four exams on Friday, two of which you don't have the notes for - and they're pursued by singing on Sunday and another exam - my chance to redeem myself in Pathology - on Monday?
Why shouldn't I, for once, submerge myself in petty details, in ignoring the fucked-up state our country's in - the world's in? Why shouldn't I care - now, more than ever - about what I'm doing here?
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  • Current Music
    Various Artists - Recessional- Toccata from Organ Symphony No. 5
Nescafe rabbit

Don't you know...

Today has been a day of getting out of class early. I don't mind; I've got my writeups done now, and I wasn't paying attention anyway. I never pay attention any more. I...
What's wrong? I can't concentrate, can't focus, can't care any more. Maybe I just need that spring break. I want the waiting for the house to be over, I want the constant motion from exam to exam to be over before I completely lose all focus... And all I get, O Best Beloved, is a week of moving. And then it's back to classes. One week off, then two pathology exams, a medicine exam, two finals a week apart and two weeks to study for Boards. From April 6th to May 21st is going to be nothing but me trying to study.
And I don't care any more.
This is not good.
  • Current Mood
    blah blah
Nescafe rabbit

Why oh why...

Sang hymns to myself all the way to Lutheran. Felt mildly better.
Was observed taking a history and physical of L.A. by Dr. J. Extremely nervous; rushed the HPI and had to go head to toe on the girl three or four times. Back in the classroom, she began dissecting my H&P quite thoroughly. All the things I forgot to ask. And then told me I'd done quite well. Ready for third year? I think not. I'm fucking terrified.
Picked up Shain from Best Buy. Yay for having laptops back with working keyboards and new CD-RW drives. Have now taught Taika to speak to Shain. Unfortunately, she seems to be smoking crack regardinjg her network card. Must learn handheld proper networking.
Four units of notes tonight. Three hours after fencing and before midnight. Somehow I'll get it done. I have to.
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed