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O, what a tangled web we weave.... - Nobody wears a white coat any more... — LiveJournal
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
O, what a tangled web we weave....
It's 6:30 PM. It feels like about 9 or 10, and well it should because I need to be in bed in 2.5 hours.
The last day I updated was five days ago, if you exclude the fatuous RP post. I have been prolific in short bursts on RP journals, less so in Malaki (I'm sorry, dayzdark, but as much as I love your games I've been terribly horribly off the last few. I'm not sure I deserved that RP point) and generally pondersome.
The night shift at the information desk knows my face now, after asking for my ID the first time I came through the doors at 04:30 (I have yet to make it there near 04:00 when I want to be there). We chat. She gets off at 07:30 as I am walking back in the doors from my morning conference, and we exchange waves. Arrive, 04:00-04:30. Rounds: 05:30. MondayFriday small groups, 06:30. Tuesday practical skills lab, 07:00. Wednesday M&M and Grand Rounds, 08:00. Surgeries start at 07:30. We have to hustle, and sometimes we have to miss the good ones.
I scrubbed in on a pyloromyotomy and missed both pimp questions. What's this little round vessel-like structure here? We're only through the fascia lata. It was the umbilical vein. I guessed urachus and umbilical artery, both valiant stabs in the dark. See this vessel? What's it called? Did someone shoot his dog in front of him or something? It's the vein of Mayo. Hell if I knew that.
Today I reviewed at least minimally for the sagittal trans-anal pull-through, but didn't research my patient and discovered that morning that the child had an imperforate anus, not Hirschsprung's disease. Score one for me, I didn't get pimped on it. She's a nearly-3-year-old girl from China who was pooping out of her vagina for a year and a half before someone noticed and did a colostomy on her. She weighs 8 kilograms. She's adopted here in the states now, and today we made her a brand new anus. And it's a cute one, too. She has other problems - like missing most of her sacrum, and a double cervix and uterus. And having all the complications of an untreated anovaginal fistula for three years. But she's the cutest thing ever.
They're all cute, all the children. Like N, who's been here since he was born in January, and we can't get him feeling well long enough for him to eat properly. And K, who was born with a tracheoesophageal fistula connecting her esophagus to her lungs and is now two weeks old, doing fine after her repair. She ate a whole 60 cc's last feeding, none of it through her nasogastric tube.

I don't like surgery. I really can't stand the impersonality of it for the most part, although the paediatric surgeons are very nice. I don't like the way things are streamlined and businesslike, the strange melding of compassion and efficiency. I don't like the attention to detail that the operating theatre requires, nor do I like scrubbing in, although I feel clean. All in all, I just don't feel like I fit. And I like Dr. C, our Fellow. I do, I really do, and I have the utmost respect for his abilities...but I can never feel at home around him.
But I learn a lot. A whole lot. And that is worth it. And the kids are so cute...
I'm in medical school. Every day is a good day.

Goodnight, O Best Beloved.

now feeling:: calm calm

3 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
staircase_wit From: staircase_wit Date: October 6th, 2003 07:43 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Wow. "I'm gonna give you a new asshole" is usually a threat made in anger, not a promise made out of compassion and duty. Glad you fixed her up.
From: clypheous Date: October 6th, 2003 09:24 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Hang in there sis, you'll be done with your surgery rotation before you know it and on to other things.

As for medicine being a like a business, it is a business and a vast business at that, billions of dollars a week are spent on doctors and drugs and there are never enough doctors or enough time to deal with everything. I think, if you are the compassionate person I know you to be, that you will always be wondering if there's a little more you can do or that maybe you should work a little harder.

You will be a great doctor sis don't let anything or anyone get you down. Hang in there, I'll see you around one of these days.
From: dr_bobbie Date: October 7th, 2003 03:46 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
Just keep saying that, over and over...::hugs::
3 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word