I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name

  • Mood:

But WHY has the time gone?

The Gathering went very well. Will talk more about that another time.

I watched the sun set as I drove to Indianapolis tonight. I watched the sky turn golden, clouds like a veil drifting dusty over the light, and then a pink, brilliant even to the point of shading the rain-drenched road in front of me with its hues. It was beautiful, spectacular, almost, the way the light plays and changes and flows over the road. Joe was not so impressed.

Made my promised check-in call to quinby's parents this afternoon rather than this evening. Left a message. Forwarded my phone to Angel's. Resolved not to talk to them if they called later. It came to me as I was driving, something I'm still working on forcing myself to accept and comprehend. Something Jefe, bless his heart, has been scolding me for. They don't have to like me. They can't get me in trouble. Even if their whole church and peer group believe we're evil and doing awful things, so what? They have no power over me.
Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City, to take back the child that you have stolen from me. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great. You have no power over me!
No power. It's like what Daddy told me. I don't have to let them manipulate me. I don't have to let them drive me nuts. I have a life to lead. Quin has a life to lead. And unless I'm much mistaken, the biggest stress on her right now is watching me and Angel react to her parents. It's fucking ridiculous.

Stopped at LC and Aura's to pick up Joe's car. Popped in to use their facilities. "Have you eaten dinner?" No, of course not. Dinner? I don't eat, half the time, just for forgetting to. (The scale this morning said 216. I must've been dehydrated. I haven't been working on it at all!) So we got pizza and we chatted and we didn't leave there until like 9. And then I realised I'd forgotten my shoes at home. The only ones I have along are my sandals; no good for working in. So when left Joe at his place, I went to Wal-Mart. I bought myself new shoes (black, Lilylove, so now I have Black Shoes and Brown Shoes like a Proper Girl), a Little Tykes plastic drawer cart (in bright colours), a hamper basket, an umbrella, sheets and a blanket, and a fluffy pillow.
While at Wal-Mart, looking at umbrellas, I heard two girls speaking in French. I glanced over, and made a comment in French about the cute umbrella she was holding. Two very startled looks went my way. You speak French? Oui, un peu. J'ai passé cinq mois à Strasbourg... We talked a bit, a few seconds really, just a "you're kidding" kind of chat. Are you from here? About two hours north. Yourself? West Ghana, Africa (I think I remember that correctly). Your accent is wonderful. You sound like a native. I worked hard when I was in France. I can tell. It worked.
That made me feel so good, O Best Beloved. I bloody well still have it!

Also saw loonyatcbh today, for the first time in a long time. We were both tired, both just glad to see each other. Sat in silence and watched Quin play Devil May Cry (You're going to have to do it again, from the beginning, on a harder setting when you're done, you know) and just bonded in that strange subliminal way one can, when one has a friend who's close enough to be a sister. We didn't need to talk, really. It just felt good to be with her again. Think good thoughts. She leaves for Marburg on a Fulbright scholarship Monday.

The dogs are making sleepy noises. It's early in the morning, and the laptop is at 25%. Soon - tomorrow, I hope - the signal booster will come from Best Buy, and I'll be able to do this from the couch in my room. There are several good reasons for wanting to be able to use my computer in my room, most of them involving not feeling obligated to be social. Some of them involving not having a Boy around to handle certain needs. And some of them being that I just want to be able to go to sleep watching my screen.

But for now, O Best Beloved, it's late. And tomorrow is Inpatient Orientation at 7:30 AM, and I haven't finished my readings for the imaginary exam I might have soonish. I'm such a slacker. I need to start doing my readings. Maybe I'll tell you about something new I learned in my reading every day, or maybe I'll be too exhausted. We'll see. For now, good night.

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