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Stop my mind, please. I want to get off. - Nobody wears a white coat any more... — LiveJournal
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
Stop my mind, please. I want to get off.
Quinby's parents called last night. They wanted to talk to me. Did they ever want to talk to me. And I did my best to be patient and understanding and listening and reasonable, and it was all going quite well - if exhausting - right up until the topic of my absences to Indy came up. They're not comfortable or happy with the situation. And they're specifically not comfortable or happy with two things:
1) They're concerned because their understanding is that I'm the one who has the deep emotional relationship with her. And so I'm going to be gone, and with this, that, and the other...they're afraid she'll be alone when she needs me. This is no different than it would be if I were here. I'm going to be working long hours through the winter, and those long hours make things crazy. And I think...I think, for once, that their concerns are overamped.
2) The appearance of things. Angel, who's 23, home alone night after night with Quin, 20. And he's a youth director, and what will our youth's parents think? They're certain that their church would never allow it. They don't want her to spend her life thinking that these kinds of situations are all right.
I understand the appearance issue. And at midnight, all I could say was "let me think on it and we'll see what we can do," because they have a valid point. And it's a valid concern. And I don't want Angel to get in shit for this, and I want Quin's parents to be able to accept and come to peace with it. And I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

And this morning after the alarm went off I laid there and didn't sleep for half an hour, thinking. Trying to think. Trying to decide, to figure out what to say or do or be. My mind is stuck in circles, and I can't make it stop.

And dear God: You've never let me down, never given me a problem that I couldn't find the solution to. And I believe - I really do - that what we're doing is what we're supposed to do. So I guess, now, it's up to you. Give us the inspiration to find a key to this problem and help us do things according to your will. Because it's never let me down this far.

[Edit: I'm so bloody upset I forgot how old Angel was. How frickin' awful is that?]

now feeling:: worried worried

11 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word
Comments
arazia From: arazia Date: August 27th, 2003 06:45 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
I really think that a lot of Quinby's parent's concerns might be over-blown by the fact that they are conservatives. On college campuses, large groups of people (upwards of 15) of differing genders and ages all live together. At my own college, I knew of a house where 4 men and 2 women all lived together and age ranges were from 19-28.

Then again, If Quinby gets a job and starts paying rent for her 'room' then the problem sorta goes away. If she is paying rent to live in a place, it doesn't matter one bean how old the 'landlords' are, or what gender they are. It becomes a contract between parties for living arrangements. *shrugs*

I seriously doubt you will have problems with your church about having a friend, new to the area and going to school at IPFW, living with you. If anything, it looks more like you are being good and charitable. As long as Quinby really isn't pregnant with the second comming, then you should be fine. *giggles* I can imagine them blaming the second comming on Matt. *shakes her head*

*snuggles you tight* I hope it all gets worked out.
From: dr_bobbie Date: August 27th, 2003 07:25 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
::hugs:: You can start leaning anytime. ;) Things have a way of working themselves out. But I think you know this.
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: August 27th, 2003 11:04 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
*leans* Thanks, girl. You can see lakos's journal for his take on it. I've got his support, that much is clear.
daimones From: daimones Date: August 27th, 2003 08:11 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
...For once their concerns?...

Maybe she's able to find help when she needs it. Let us presume, for a moment, that Quinby is capable of helping herself.

As for the second, who cares what they want. Are you worried? Do your youth know the situation? Maybe you could tell them. Problem solved. You are after all doing a Nice and Right thing. Do you think Quinby is now going to live her life in sin and reverly?

You, dear, have a nasty habit of letting people psychosis affect you, and I've yet to see any reason to not label Quinby's parents on the psychotic side. Also, why aren't they asking her all this. They need to treat her as a person. Fielding you and Matt into the realm of Quinby does nothing but replace her. They need to stop guilt tripping everyone into accepting their point of view.

So, my final solution. Tell everyone The Truth. Then be done with it.

I love over-simplification.
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: August 27th, 2003 11:08 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Think Matt's going to talk to Keith on Friday and get a church perspective and maybe some help.

I was so tempted to lie to them, tell them I'd be here more than I will be. I understated it a bit as it was. But I can't lie to them and expect things to work out. I have to play this as honestly and forthrightly as I can. I have to live by the principles I've been taught.
daimones From: daimones Date: August 27th, 2003 02:44 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
...Why does it matter if you're there or not? Why are you involved at all? Did my mother come and talk to you when she and I were having it out? No, she came to me.

Why are you involved? She doesn't need another parent, or watchguards, or protections. She needs comfort. She needs friends to give her value. She needs to stop being talked about and having her life dealt with behind her back.

The people involved need to talk to each other. After a long period of, 'Back off and let me live my life you meddling whores.' Maybe politely.

But what do I know. ;)
quinby From: quinby Date: August 27th, 2003 09:01 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
(cries) I'm so sorry... I didn't want all this to happen... I was afraid of this... I don't want to be a pain... Gah. I don't really know what to say, other than I'm really sorry, and I'll do whatever it takes so that you don't end up messed up cause of me. :-/
ayradyss From: ayradyss Date: August 27th, 2003 11:16 am (UTC) (etched in stone)
Quin, sweetheart, read through the comments. Talk to the people who know me. Don't blow your part in this out of proportion.
I've been through a lot. You've heard some of that (isn't Curves great?) but what you haven't heard so much is what that left me with. What it left me with is a desire - a need - to give where I can give, to help where I can help, to do and say the things I know I can.
Talking to your parents isn't the first time I've been in a hard spot with people. This issue isn't the first one I've had to face with no immediate solution in sight. What happens, dear, is that I roll with the stress. I vent, I let it out, I tell everyone I know what's going on. And then I pray, and I work, and I wait, and I watch as one by one, the doors I need open up. One by one, the obstacles wither and fall away.
And it'll happen. Things will work out. Don't give up on you, and don't give up on God. Because, quite frankly, God's a whole heck of a lot bigger than your parents put together. And it's going to make me feel real silly if I'm believing in you and you don't back me up on it, understand?
Believe. Trust. Hope. Pray. Work. That's all there is to it. And I'll be all right. Don't you worry about that.
daimones From: daimones Date: August 27th, 2003 02:48 pm (UTC) (etched in stone)
*snugs* You didn't want any ofit, but you can't chose what happens. Yer not a pain. If you were a pain, we wouldn't be doing this at all, you know. So let us be what we want, and remember we like you.=)

And really, your parents are hardly going to mess us up. They're small fries. ;)
alythe From: alythe Date: August 27th, 2003 09:49 am (UTC) (etched in stone)

*sends tight huggles*

I think you're doing the right thing, Lady. I think it'll be a tough road at places, but that's because you've got so much set up for yourself with school and everything. I think it's wonderful that you're helping Quinby out.

And i think some parents are just very reluctant to let their children live their own lives. They need a nudge at times to help 'em out.
freakachu420 From: freakachu420 Date: August 27th, 2003 11:54 am (UTC) (etched in stone)

Freakachu's typically blunt view.

Quinby is TWENTY. SHe's been a legal adult for two years. As far as I can tell she isn't mentally retarded.

Therefore her parents need to LET GO, for Pete's sake. Quin's a big girl now. They need to realize that-- and if you can't find a gentle way to put that, then tell them straight out. I think perhaps that someone standing up to them might just make them blink and actually THINK about what they're doing (besides making Quin a neurotic mess). I get the feeling it doesn't happen very often.
11 whispers echo . o O ( ... ) O o . whisper a word