Care Bears: The Movie II
- What's scary is that there are people out there who have Care Bears tattoos.
Are they all gay?
Who? The bears or the people with the tattoos?
The people. We know all the bears are gay.
- Oooh, I want to be able to shoot fireworks out my navel too!
- Someone needs our help, what do we do? Go and help them. We're Obvious Bears.
- I think one of them is Concussion Bear.
Or Hangover Bear.
No, that's I'm Stupid Bear.
- How stupid is he to tell the girls to leave camp?
- Notice how it's tight from the outside but voluminous from the inside.
- Is that like Incense-heart Bear?
- Is that one of those licking-frogs? Someone licked it before drawing it.
- If you screw up our babies, we'll come back and rip out your throats.
No, we'll just sue you.
Yeah, because we have Litigation Bear on our side.
I want to be Litigation Bear.
- Changing the diapers of small fuzzy animals has always been high on my fun list.
- Do they have Licensed Professional Counsellor bear?
- You know how they have Capcom versus Marvel? Care Bears versus Rainbow Brite!
- Dark Heart looks like a teenager in a potbelly and a jogging suit.
Yeah, he has a beer belly at 13.
Probably drinking some dark ale.
- That's one of the more creative and subtle ways I've heard of saying "David, shut up!"
- Just do the cartwheel, you stupid bitch.
- I'd think the red eyes would've tipped you off.
See, in the 80's it would, but now we'd just be like "What's wrong with your contacts, dude?"
- How many Irish Jews have you heard of?
- My god, he's still wearing the diaper!
- See, it's all about Smurfs!
- The kids are all flirting with each other - and none of them are wearing pants!
- So they're bisexual confused pedophiles...
Not only that, they're inter-species bestiality...
- No, the Care Bears are sticking to bears.
They're sticking what to bears?
- Wow, my uvula got big. I'm Uvula Bear!
- What's up with Dark Heart? He's like an evil Richie Cunningham...
- Wow, they can exude decorations from their navels.
They're a gay man's wet dream.
- Hey look! It's Priaprism Bear!
- I'm the Caring Meter Reader...
What, do they get billed based on their Caring Consumption?
Who the hell uses a crowbar to read a meter?
- Okay, those are apparently Dumb Bear and Dumber Bear.
- So he's also a really incompetent villain.
- What, is he Soda-Fountain Bear?
- It's just like the phasers in Star Trek!
They don't do anything?
- Fear me, Dark Heart....
That was a Fear DC 3 Save.
- She's riding Dark Heart now.
I thought Dark Heart was riding her...
- Boy, am I bushed.
It's Porno Bear!
- Apparently the only people who need help in the world are the ones at camp.
- So what, has their Care-O-Meter been down all summer now?
They're in manual mode.
- Secret Bear: Strong enough for a man, designed for a woman.
- I lost an oh-so-important tire on my floating car...
- It's Mime Bear!
- We're going to go get Smart Bear, who hasn't shown up yet, and he'll know what to do!
- It's Malevolent Moose!
Or Masochist Moose...
- Oh, look. It's Counsellor Bear. And Run-the-Fuck-Away Bear!
- Oh, god, the moose is doing the Pepe-le-Peu thing.
It's Flaming Moose.
- Apparently, if you want sex, you can't be evil.
- It's Parliament Bear.
- Look, it's Gay Pride Bear!
- It's a bear band - kind of like a boy band, but with bears!
- Whatever happened to Strawberry Shortcake?
She's in porn.
Yeah, she and Rainbow Bright did this lesbian thing...
Did Nykki find that?
- Hahaha! Benign vandalism. Hahaha!
- Apparently, he flunked out of villain school.
Well, the heroes are the Care Bears.
- Wow. Nance Bear and Prance Bear apparently came.
Did they bring Transvestite Beasr?
- Does anyone else see a problem with a boy in a jogging suit intimidating two bears and a lion?
- It would take more love and caring than even we have put together!
Because...we hate you.
- So wait, is he Dark Heart or freakin' Pinnochio now?
- You're naked all the rest of the frickin' movie! Why do you have swimsuits on now?
- It's Beach Bunny Bear!
- Pot-belly Boy, Low-Self-Esteem Girl, and the Children of the Corn.
- Good point - why would they wear clo--YIPE!