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Assembled Quotage - Nobody wears a white coat any more... — LiveJournal
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
Assembled Quotage
Previously recorded quotes:
  • Me (during a discussion of pap smears): There was this chick with labia that were this big...
    Phloxin: Eww, meat curtains!

  • I tell a story about a wine labelled "Fanny," and discussion ensues of the picture of a little boy kissing a little girls ass.
    Phloxin: In the US that would be considered pornography.
    Lily: But in France it’s art.

  • Jorath is being carried by paladin of the lady due to having a Str of 0 after a trap; "flaccid gnome" and "lymph gnome" jokes abound

  • Lily: Half elf - Half wookie?

  • Dash: I'm missing some porn gene. Uh. Humor gene. And no. I don't want the mushrooms.

  • Dash: Banging, footstools. It's all the same.

  • Phloxin: I have a 16 charisma.
    Mike: That'll do.
    Phloxin: I'm wearing brown leather.
    Mike: That'll do.
    Phloxin: Get out of my face, dog boy!

  • Me: Your monkey is a Betty Ford reject!

  • Phloxin: I ran with the crack smoking monkey. It's the monkey on her back!

  • Phloxin: He hides in the folds of reality.
    Me: I thought you were going to say underwear.

  • Erica: You people are way too involved with my monkey's ass.

  • Phloxin: What's a Thoqa?
    Lily: What is that, swearing in pig latin?

  • Me: It was a tragic accident involving a knitting needle and a double throw where I should have dropped a stitch.

  • Dash: Your appreciation is all I desire.
    Phloxin: Your piece of ass is all I desire.

  • Erica: What would you do with a hung over crack monkey?

  • Me: I need to learn medical spanish.
    Heather: Yes, like, "Did you puncture an artery?"

  • Dash: There's not much you can do with Minime.
    Me: There's not much Minime to do.

  • Angel: She would be my twin, but I'm covered in gore.
    Mike: A marked improvement.

Tonight's quotes:
  • Me: Eye rays. As opposed to You rays.
    ZoaS: Not J rays, or K rays?

  • Mike: At three hit points, isn't (a beholder kin for a familiar) more liability than it's worth?

  • Dash: I can safely say my anaconda don't want none.

  • David: It's all orange outside...

  • Kaiden: No rabbits!
    David: Evil rabbits!

  • ZoaS (on a discussion of Baby Got Back): No, it's "Oh...my god." You have to get the pause in there.

  • ZoaS: I'm disturbed because he's over there squealing like a girl.
    Phloxin: I do everything like a girl.
    ZoaS: Oh, is that so? Is that what the strap-on was for?

  • Dash: No, you bopped me on the nose with it. You don't get it back.

  • Jo: Ah, touché!
    Tiff: That was my tushé...

  • Dash: Your brains are uneven.

  • Me: And we might be accosted by screaming mobs of rampant developmentees...
    Dash: I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, being a developmentee.

  • Phloxin: I do not volunteer my anal cavity.
    Zia: Often.

  • Dash (as Jo wants to lie on his lap): I accommodate multiple people.

  • Angel: Spell penetration is another that will help you get through spell resistance. (Someone belches.) Belch is not.

  • Me: Apparently, in Milwaukee, being gay is an ethnicity.

  • Me: No, you should see James in full-flaming mode.
    Kaiden: What, is he some kind of superhero?

  • David (to me, sitting on Jo): Get off my player!
    Jo: I'm not your player.
    Me: She's your player's accessory.
    David: Get off my accessory!

  • Phloxin: When Mage Hand isn't enough.
    Mike: Enlarge and Grease.

  • Mike: A rod of vibrating?

  • Me: My cat will eat anything.
    Mike: Maybe I'd've had better luck with the cat.
    Phloxin: A piece of pussy!
    Mike: I have a Charisma of 6; I'll take any pussy I can get.

  • Tiff: Bracers of armour...
    Phloxin: So you can be like Wonder Woman!

  • Me: She looks like her last haircut was done with a bowl and a knife.
    Phloxin: Oh, gods, it's Joan of Arc.
    ZoaS: Joan of Elf.

  • Tiff: I've got Charm Monster...
    ZoaS: I don't think that would work on a dragon.
    GM: If it failed its spell resistance...and its save...
    ZoaS: You amuse me, little elf one...

  • Phloxin: My girl would...stand out a bit.
    Mike: Is it cold in here?

  • Me: Was she one of my austere monkish characters?
    Mike: I don't know. You were too busy killing undead.
    Me: And being surly.
    GM: And drowning.
    Mike: Yes, there was the drowning...

  • GM: Last I checked, dragons don't eat grain.
    Me: Shows what you know.
    ZoaS: It's the vegan dragon.

  • Me: It's not so much "veiled sexual tension" as it is "established barbed-wire fence."

  • Mike: Damn, everyone looks hot.
    Me: Even the halfling's about the right height...

  • Me: I think we might have a problem.
    Mike: What's that, darling?
    Me: Caves. Wizards. Supposedly dead wizards. Allegedly dead wizards.
    Mike: No good wizard—
    Me: —would submit to being dead so easily, exactly.

  • David: Wow, there's a really skanky ugly dwarf here.

  • GM: You all already have rooms at the inn.
    Me: Two rooms.
    Mike: Unfortunately.
    Me: With no connecting door.
    Mike: Unfortunately.
    Me: I was most precise with the innkeeper.
    Mike: Unfortunately.

  • Mike: I saved your life.
    Me: I'm grateful, but that doesn't obligate me to sleep with you.
    Mike: What if I save it again?
    Me: You have another nine times before I'll consider it.
    Mike: Nine. I'll remember that.

  • Dash (traumatised): I made cheese goop.

  • Me: The last I checked, my moral imperative didn't include sheep.
    Mike: Or men, for that matter.

  • ZoaS: This just seems a little too easy.
    Me: It's always too easy.
    Mike: Don't I wish.

  • Dash: That's not very Christmasy. That's like the undead Christmas Tree.

  • GM (to Mike, with a 6 Chr): You're very pretty.
    Me: Oh, gods, it's an ugly-fag dragon.

  • Mike (to me): You can try and save the halfling.
    Me: Don't look at me, I can't swim.
    Mike: Don't I know it.

  • Tiff: Can my lizard swim?
    Mike: Yes, that's it, throw the electric beastie in the water.

  • ZoaS: I keep staring at those socks. There's something captivating about them.
    Phloxin: They're hypno-socks.

  • GM: You're chaotic good. While there are certain things you personally won't do, if others fudge the rules a bit, as long as you lecture them later...
    ZoaS: Isn't that Apathetic Good?

  • ZoaS: Tell me, do you disrobe your food before you cook it?
    Everyone stares.

  • GM: Are you going to leave, or do I need to give you impetus to leave?
    Mike: Is that a threat?
    GM: No, but this is. The dragon breathes.

  • GM: You are justified in beheading it.
    Me: I can't behead it, I have a rapier.
    GM: You could perforate it...
    Me: I could make a little dotted line for someone to tear along on coupon Wednesdays...

  • ZoaS: You feel like the time your shocker lizard jumped into the tub with you.

  • Me: "Get out of the way." As if you weren't already doing just that.

  • GM: You take...four points of damage from the wing-buffet.
    Eric (drag queen-style): Ow, that hurts!
    Me: Do it again!

  • ZoaS: We've got the scantily-clad Elven snake charmer now.

  • GM: What are you doing?
    Phloxin: Stabbing it with my crystal poker.
    GM: Are you going to tie it to a chair?

  • Phloxin comes into the room, using a foam noodle to simulate an elephant's trunk, blowing through it.
    GM: Right. And on that note, the dragon's going to attack you.

  • Mike: I'm going to stand right over here.
    Me: So he can wait and hope that she falls down and he can save her life and mark off another tick on his counter.
    Mike: Precisely. Even if I have to hit you with a magic missile.

  • Me (rolling damage): Six. Four. Five. Six.
    GM: Twenty-one.
    Me: Plus twenty.
    GM (stares): What?
    Me: Plus five for each hit. So plus twenty.
    GM: Well, crap.

  • Me: That sort of attitude is something that one should foster. I'll let them live.
    GM: What? Abject terror?
    Me: Apathy is also good.

  • ZoaS: So it's like Jesus Christ the vampire hunter?
    Me: More or less.

  • Me: I have a long history of playing clerics of Dalune with quirks.
    Phloxin: Quirks, nothing. They're fucking bats.

  • ZoaS: I attack the rubble!

  • ZoaS: I attempt to intimidate the rubble.
    GM: You give it a stern look. It is unmoved.

  • Mike: Nothing like watching a woman break a sweat.
    ZoaS: He's worrying me.

  • GM: Now they're two piles of burnt rotting vegetation.
    Me: Oh, gods, I bet that stinks.

  • Me: Two hits.
    Mike: You make salad.
    GM: Rotting salad.
    Phloxin: A slaad!

  • Phloxin: Are you going to do something useful or just look at the tapestries?

  • Phloxin: Yay, I made the vegetable scream.

  • Me: Now I'm unconscious.
    Mike: Good.

  • Tiff: So the one she's lying with is the one that's almost dead?
    Me: I am not lying with the plant. I am lying in the plant!

  • David: At least you didn't get smacked in the face with a pickled were-weasel...

  • David: My toe now has racing stripes. Fascinating.

  • Dash: We want your muscles, not your weasel.

  • David: I'm kind of rounded everywhere.

  • Me: What is with this (making the limp-wristed gesture)? Is it some kind of ancient gay tradition?
    GM: It's the secret handshake.
    Phloxin: And then some.

  • Dash: Mennonites in the morning?
    Me: That's why they're menno-nites.

  • Me: I may look like a boy, but I've got an 18 Charisma. Everybody wants me.
    ZoaS: Including the Pope.
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