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Quotey-quotey, Five dollar! - Nobody wears a white coat any more...
...a tribute to becoming a doctor.
ayradyss
ayradyss
Quotey-quotey, Five dollar!
  • Jefe: I know that said Getting Dad but it looked like it said "getting laid."
    Lily: That's because you have sex on your mind.
    Jefe: No I don't.
    Lily: Yes you do, all the time.
    Jefe: No I don't.
    Lily: Yes, you do.
    Jefe: I'm a passionate person! I don't have sex on the mind all the time.
    Me: Write that down. All of it.

  • Me: I'm going to note that this adventure is supposed to take 3 to 4 hours.

  • Me: I need someone to be a plot whore. Who wants to be my plot whore today?
    General chorus of volunteers.
    Me: You can't.
    Phloxin: Then why'd you ask?!
    General disgruntlement.
    Me: Let me put it this way. (points at Lily) You're my plot bitch.
    Lily: Okay.

  • Lily: Usual greetings, pleasantries. That sort of thing. I need your help.

  • Angel: I'm blowing a flask.
    Everyone stares.
    Angel: Glass blowing.

  • Angel: He's not the only gnome in Mome?
    Me: No, he's not the only mo-..gnome in Mome.
    Jefe: I'm not writing that.

  • Angel and Phloxin (singing, to the tune of "Manamina", or whatever that Muppets song is): Gnomini, do-doo-da-doo-do. Gnomini, do-doo-do-do!

  • Lily: Something has come up.
    Angel: That's nice.

  • Lily: I'm going to do something useful...like...cover my ears.

  • Phloxin: I go hide my cat somewhere not even the GM can find him.

  • Angel: Trap! —Errh, Crap, I tripped. On the caravan.

  • Jefe: So. I hail you. "Hail."
    Phloxin: What up, monkey?

  • Phloxin: Damn, we're fast.
    Me: You're on foot.
    Jorath: And dog.
    Me: And dog. He has two ratty-ass, beat up, hand-me-down, Salvation Army mules.

  • Jefe: Nykki, you need to get one of those jobs where you make noises for movies with your own body parts and random implements...

  • Me: He starts to build a little...uh...
    Chorus of suggestions: "Tent", "palisade", "Fire..."
    Me: Fire. Yeah. Or a penis.

  • Angel: Fake pot?
    Me: Yes, he has a huge-ass sack of oregano.
    Phloxin, Jefe: That's one spicy meatball!

  • Angel: I have breakfast.
    Me: What are you having?
    Angel: Vampiric mule. Spiced with oregano.

  • Jefe: We are not eating human.
    Phloxin: We are not eating Cuban?

  • Me: Why?
    Jefe: There is only do or do not.

  • Jefe: That's one of the 1001 ways to castrate a man.
    Me: I thought you were going to say "Eat my Jizz".
    Angel (who works for a company whose clientele includes a number of "adult video stores", one of which sells the above title): I dunno, one of the popular ones is "100% Girls".
    Me: As opposed to 95% girls and 5% sheep?!

  • Angel: Where are you going?
    Lily (looking at me): Ahem.
    Me (frantically flipping papers): Laendersburg. (Pronounced "Lay-enders-burg")
    A chorus of "Lay en de burg?" "Lady's Burg?"

  • Phloxin: I'm not trying to lift anything off of anyone.
    Jefe: Unfortunately, nobody believes in your new-found goodness.

  • Me: He stakes his mules.
    Angel: Are they evil undead mules?
    Me: They graze on the blood soaked ground.
    Angel: We're not camping here.

  • Me: I heard titsy. Is that the feminine version of ballsy?

  • Lily: Quit being a target.
    Jefe: That's like "quit being a tool". It's just not going to happen.

  • Angel: I'm going to boff the DM, okay?
    James: I thought you already did that?
    Phloxin: Blah, blah, blah.

  • Jefe (running over to hit Goblins, rolls) Uh. Never mind.
    Me: What, you're going to run over there and whiff?
    Jefe: Yeah.
    Angel: Remember, goblins are short.

  • Me, after Angel arrives one round later and misses the goblins twice: Remember, goblins are short.
  • Phloxin (after maintaining positive hit points throughout a battle, for what is only the second time): I DIDN'T DIE!

  • Angel: I remember the days when orcs were stupid.
    Me: Are you reminiscing? I can up his hit points...

  • Eric: This is why I don't play with toys.
    Jefe: It's very easy to not get a dildo lost in your anus.

  • Me: The paladin is carrying a limp gnome.
    Angel: A lymph node?

  • Me: The mules are also alive. OH! I heard the funniest story today...

  • Me: Eric, what are you doing?
    Phloxin (scampering for the bathroom): I am going to aim a crossbow bolt, get a Kleenex, and fire it.
    Angel: In that order.

  • Angel: I miss.
    Phloxin: Take a drink.
    Me: Oooh, D&D drinking games...

  • Me: One wagon, two vampiric mules, and a dead proprietor with coals for eyes.
    Phloxin: It's Frosty the gnome-man!

  • Angel: What time is it?
    Me: Dark.

  • Phloxin: I name them (the mules).
    Me: What do you name them, Left and Right?
    Phloxin: No, Bert and Ernie.

  • Angel: If you cannot identify the quote, it is probably from Random Williams. (pauses) Robin. Robin Williams.

  • Angel: I cast Trace Without Path?

  • Me: One set of small-sized studded leather armour, one shitty-ass short sword, and one crossbow of Plot Device.
    Phloxin: I take the crossbow. Any quarrels?
    Me: No. It's a crossbow of Plot Device.

  • Me: Four sets of small-sized studded leather armour, four shitty-ass short swords -
    Jefe: Short swords of plot device.
    Me: And four soiled leather thongs.

  • Me: Three vials of ink.
    Angel, Jorath, and Phloxin: Oooh, ink!
    Jorath (to Phloxin): Why are you so excited?

  • Phloxin: And the wolf goes (effeminately, limp-wristed): "Get that sword out of my neck, grr."

  • Me: You feel a brief premonition of doom, which then quickly fades.
    Phloxin (a la Gir): Doom-de-doom-doom-doom-ooh, never mind.

  • Angel: Somebody hit the orc.
    Phloxin: That would be me.
    Angel: You're an orc?
    Phloxin: No, I hit the orc.
    Angel: Whew.
    Phloxin (mind, Phloxin and Angel are playing twins): Surprise, dear sister...

  • Phloxin: It's the belly button of the house! Get out of it!

  • Me: Okay, maybe "simple combat scene" was a mis-statement. It's more like "long drawn-out fumbling attempt to make contact with a melee weapon."

  • Angel: I doubt Care Bear shit is cute.
    James: Everything about them is cute. "Oh, look, little heart-shaped turds..."
    Me: "Let's hug them!"

  • Jefe (on the real models for Jessica Rabbit): "We need you to sashay." "Why are you watching my tits?" "Shut up and do your work."

  • Jefe (More Jessica Rabbit): We need two things from you: no brain, double-D's.

  • Me (affecting goblin): Cabraah.
    Jefe: That's Klingon. Shit...the hobgoblin's Worf's bastard son. We're all going to die.
    Angel: Is that a name, or another language?

  • Phloxin: I think Klingon women are particularly hot.

  • Jefe: Hairball of goblin-speak. It's like a cursed item.

  • Angel: It's the hobgoblin of many accents!
    Jefe: And cursed items.

  • Angel: Anything else you want to tell us?
    Me (as hobgoblin): I wet my pants.

  • Angel: Is there any reason I shouldn't kill you where you stand?
    Me (as hobgoblin): Probably not. I don't want to die, though.
    Angel (to party): Where shall we bury him?
    Lily: What?
    Angel: He's raided how many caravans - murdered, raped, and looted...
    Me (as hobgoblin): I'm impotent?
    Angel: You're also incontinent.

  • Me: James! What are you doing? Every time I look over in your general direction...
    Phloxin: You mean genital direction.

  • Me: After that little foray into sodomy...

  • Angel (to me): How do you type with the keyboard on one side of you and the monitor behind you?
    Jefe: It's the Exorcist setup!
    Phloxin (growled harshly): Your mother is in here with us...
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