Tomorrow: I start my clerkship in earnest. Up early bright, to make a one-hour trek up 3 to horseshit county and see Dr. B. My stomach's starting to go into all kinds of twisty knots. She's apparently a go-getter and a busy woman, but a real nice doctor.
"The good news is, Family Practise is a nice and easy clerkship to start with. The bad news is, it's all downhill from there."
Tomorrow: Navy pants, off-white shirt, white coat, brown comfy shoes, confident attitude. Bring my doctor bag and Taika (*scrambles to have Taika prepared*) and those god-awful patient encounter logs. Ask to shadow for one day and get a feel for the practise, because I don't think I can handle having everything dumped on me on the very first day. Don't forget to ask about how to introduce myself. Hope it goes well.
Come home and scramble for roleplaying. Thank the gods for the set of modules I'm still running off of, which require only a very little bit of modification (why are they all set in winter?) and the understanding party of players (I love you guys).
Turned the air conditioning on. Computer room is still hot. Will have to acquire a window unit for that room, I think. Bought a new hard case for Taika (come soon!) and a special-deal 256-MB SD card for her (Dell selling them at $79), as well as screen protectors.
I feel so disorganised, confused and unprepared. I always feel this way before starting something new, no matter how many times I think over what I'm about to do. I get flustered and unnerved. I forget things. I...oh, gods, I need to create a patient encounter DB or find one I like or something, because I'm going to have little pieces of paper everywhere and it's going to be a mess and I should have thought about that and gotten it done instead of napping this afternoon and now - now I am starting to panic.
You'd think I'd never taken a patient history or done a physical exam. I feel like I've forgotten it all already. I'm even more frightened because on Monday I have to go to Indy and take the OSCEs.
OSCE: Objective Standardised Clinical Exam. The OSCE experience will take nearly 3 hours to complete and will include 5 patient encounters. Commonly, they have things like "Mr. X injured his knee skiing. Do a focused history and physical exam." Potentially, "Deliver the following good/bad news." Potentially, "Adolescent C and her mother are in the room together. She's complaining of abdominal pain. Get the real history." Things like that. And I'm deathly afraid it's going to go like the one second-year did, where I got it into my head that my patient was having a stroke, because Emily said something about it, and missed the fever + splenectomy + headache/nausea combination that really should have been a dead giveaway for meningitis. And he lectured me about my patient style during feedback, and it was a generally discouraging experience.
And with that fear weighing heavy in my mind and twisting my stomach, I'm going to go upstairs and install MobiPocket on Taika, even though the PC part of the program drives me nuts, just so I can add one more book to my giant stack of references. Just in case.
And the fucking Tarascon Pharmacopoeia isn't working. I'm going to scream. I love my Tarascon. It tells me everything I need to know, and it keeps flaking out. Hopefully if I sync again it'll be all better. I hope. Without that, I don't know anything about pharmacology. I need a paper one, just for emergencies. Also the tiny spiral-bound book that everyone was carrying around. Should've gone in to the bookstore at IPFW looking for it. Maxwell. That's it. And we'll be getting them in our mailboxes as AMA student members. Monday. Must check mail Monday. And make a list of the books I want to buy, and hit Amazon.com hard. Maybe I should sell some of my review books for Boards, once I know I passed the fucking things. Which I may not know until July, from the looks of it. This scares me.
And it's midnight--freakin'-28 already. Where did the time go? I'm going to bed. Up at 06:30.