For an opening session, it went quite well. Exceedingly well, I think, although the simple riddle that took forever is a classic. Characters are admirably at each others' throats without causing outright war. Must finish sorting out RP guide to Herbs so that Herbalist proficiency no longer becomes a "do I have anything" gamestopper. But that's a topic for another day. Right now...it's 4:!5 AM.
Jefe (a.k.a. Editorial comments) claims that he is an inexperienced virgin quote taker. Go kind on him.
Me: You've cleaned the fireplaces with your tongue. You're sure of it! (Jefe: How could you forget it?)
Angel: I'm tattooed out to my yin-yang. Me: The question remains: Where is your yin-yang...
Lily: I don't want healthy popcorn. I want popcorn that will kill me.
Angel: Potions. Lily: Ow!
Me: The magical one is 150gp. Phloxin: You're going to mark it up? Angel: 5000gp...
Me: Jot this one down. Spanish Nut is one of yours.
Angel: What time of day is it? Me: Kind of fuzzy.
Angel: Do I have Spanish nut in the back? Me: I need dice. Phloxin: You have Rodrigo...
Me: You're going to use it (a love potion) on your sister?! Angel: To threaten her. You see, I'm secretly in the employ of Penthouse...
Phloxin: I think it went down the right tube. Me: That was the daughter by the way.
Angel: Is the town really this dense?! They’re identical fucking twins!
Angel: The skanky version of Cinderella. (Jefe: Do we -want- to know?)
Me: Cunt. Bitch. Whore. Jefe: Ah, sisterly love.
Angel (showing something): Do you know what this is? Me: My God, it's Lupe! Phloxin: Poor Rodrigo...
Zia: I don't have to grunt. I have intelligence!
Me: You only came into town to get some fruit. Zia: Mm. Fruit.
Me: Nothing like a peach with teeth.
Lily: Gives a whole new meaning to the word ripe.
Zia: Yes that is a banana in my pocket and I am happy to see you. TAKE IT!
Me: Pussies so fresh you can smell them on the screen. Phloxin: (horrified) That's not fresh! ... Zia: I'm still thinking of a Cantonese restaurant with cats strung up on the entrance.
Me: The only way you wouldn't get laid here is if you were gay. Phloxin: What a fucking shame.
Me: Hey baby, want your damage controlled...
Lily: My character is not a lesbian! Me: What, you just have a platonic soft spot for little drow girls?
Me: She has a visible aura to you. Lily (à la Robin Williams): A clue...
Me: Is anyone going to do anything cute? Phloxin: I'm going to murder those two twats in their sleep.
Lily: Ignore the char marks.
Me: Glowbutton wanders out. Phloxin: The auras clash.
Lily: What is my name...Thalesis. Phloxin: Phallus'? Much hilarity ensues about erectile dysfunction. Lily: FINE! I'm changing my name. Drucilla. Phloxin: Now known as the character formerly known as Penis.
Me: Lord Alexi Traven. Phloxin: And you say all *my* characters are gay.
Zia: Are you going to predict the future from the corn kernels? Me (à la Robin Williams, Louisiana-psychic style): You gonna die!
Zia: I'm finding the nearest tree and climbing it. Me: For a minute I thought you were going to say peeing on it. Zia: Don't think I wouldn't...
Lily: Hey look. Improved trip. Phloxin: Does that mean you get more kick out of your pot?
Me: You need Pegasus boots before you can knock rangers out of trees.
Zia: The rangers are under the tree munching nuts. Angel: Whose the lucky man?
Angel: We're not like Laura Croft. Phloxin: More like Elizabeth Hurley.
Me: The GM just dropped the popcorn bowl on her head. Zia: What sort of illegal drugs are you on and can I have some?
Me (sung, desperately): Monkey. Monkey loves me.
Zia: I hit dogshit. Me: It stinks.
Angel: I have an imminent orc.
Phloxin: AAH AAAH AAAH! Me: What type of aah is that? Phloxin: Motherfuck, mothermothermotherfuck...
Lily: I need something to snuggle. Me: The monkey loves you.
Phloxin: I'm going to nail the one that nailed her ass.
Me: It's charisma for the paladins. You do 3, heal one.
Me: PUSSY! Jefe: I was just going to say that.
Lily: Ahem. We're going to do the 'healing' touch.
Lily: I'll give you back 4 hit points. Angel: Wow. You're cute.
Me: Let's make it simple. Each bag is marked with a DNA coil. Jefe: A T&A coil?
Angel: Is there anything else weird? Jefe: They're not wearing underwear, what else do you want? Me: One has Chlamydia. Angel: I don't want to check that close!
Me: It's fagalicious! (Phloxin stares.) I'm getting the 'I'm not authorized' look.
Me: In the meantime would you like to enjoy the hospitality of a grateful town. Zia: Mmm. Grain. (Jefe: Never underestimate the pulling power of grain.)
Me: They have force of presence that makes you say, "Wow, he's a dog, but I think I'll bend over anyway."
Me: The monkey is all twisted. Angel: Well, whose fault is that? Jefe: That would be me... Angel: It's bondage monkey!
Me: A round room with two sarcophagi in the middle... Phloxin: What about sarcophagals?
Phloxin: I pull it out and beat your stinkin' elven ass with it... Me: Run that by me again? Angel: I pull it out and beat your stinkin' Elvis ass...
Lily: I'm thinking if you beat me over the head with a flaming stick, I'd notice you were trying to kill me.
Zia: Can we save the game first so we can restart when we all die?
Phloxin: I make DC 23 on my tumble and back the fuck up check...
Zia: I'm going to go inspect the archways, for lack of anything smarter to do...
Angel: I pull on the wall. Me: How are you getting a grip on it? Angel: Hey, if Link can do it...
Phloxin: I can't extract my gummis from my can. Angel: You put them in the can...
Phloxin: Oh, holy fucking shit! Angel: You should watch your mouth if you want to get out of here...
Jefe: I got the mutant fucking gummi bear...
Angel: She's my sister. Hence why I left home.
Jefe: Why's it (the computer) beeping at me? Zia: You probably pissed off the X-Men again. (Note: Phloxin's computer has X-men sounds)
Angel: I'm brewing up a potion to give to Bruno. Phloxin: A potion of bull's strength? Me: A potion of bull's shit - oh, wait...there's no apostrophe...
Phloxin (singing): My torso....my torso... Angel (chiming in): My torso and me!
Me: How many Hit Points are you all at? Phloxin: 2 of 8. Lily: 3 of 11. I feel like a Borg.
Me: The rebel-free hallway... Angel: No, rubble-free. We like our rebels.
Me: Ready for this? You see a door.
Phloxin: Turn it! Angel: Into what?
Zia: Let's go gang-bang the ghoul...
Phloxin: What do we do with the bodies? Angel: Leave them. I don't collect them. What do you think I am - some kind of sicko? Phloxin: Never stopped you before.