I call Angel. Do we have blinky lights? This is Nykkit for "Is the cable modem down again?" Yes, he tells me. Just one blinky light. The top one. This is Cable Modem for "I have no ISP."
Wait 10 minutes. Call Comcast. Navigate the phone tree to High-speed Internet/Service Outages/Complete Outages and get the "Please hold while we...oh, wait, our system is down. Please wait while we connect you to a representative" message. Cute.
Representative woman gets my vitals and then talks me through resetting the cable modem. And the computer. I tell her There's still just the top light blinking. It doesn't have downstream. That's okay, Nicole. Try going to your web page now. Connection Refused. There's a big fucking surprise. I duly report it. No error messages or anything? She's concerned. No. Just Connection Refused. Try another page. I have three loading right now. All refused. Oh, um, okay, here's the Comcast Technical Support number...I suppose you should call them.
What was your first fucking clue?
I call Comcast Technical Support. She takes my vitals, listens to my complaint (it's happened before, with no outage in the area) and says "Let me check for outages in your area." Thank you. No outages, she then asks me if my cable modem is connected directly to my computer. No. It's connected to a router. I practise Safe Surfing. And you're the first support person ever to ask me that. Okay, she says, and checks her screen.
I don't have your modem making a connection. That's what I don't have here either. I've just got the "searching for ISP" light. Can you unplug the cable modem and the router? Yes. Yes, I can do that. Gladly. I do so. And she asks if I can plug a computer directly into the modem. Yes, I can do that too. Thank you for asking instead of assuming I had the computer right there to plug in. What operating system? XP Home. Get the laptop, plug it in. Bring up the modem only. I've still got just one blinky light.
This has happened before? she confirms. Yes. Yes it has. How many times in what time frame? Three or four over the last two months. Sometimes for up to a few hours at a go. Aren't you the bright shining Tech Support star? You're asking all the right questions for once. Sounds like I should go ahead and schedule a service call, get a tech out to check your line. I love you, Tech Support Woman. No wasting time with troubleshooting my computer when it's obviously not my computer.
Tech call is scheduled for Thursday morning. I have a reference number.
I hang up, stomp downstairs, and regale Angel with the tale. Our support instructions when I worked for (large hardware company) support included "check the lights on the satellite modem", he informs me. You'd think an ISP would too.
Saving entry for later, as we have a party to throw now.
12:30 PM. Seems to be up....