I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name


  • Jefe: This campaign will be affectionately known to me as the "Michael Flatley Campaign".
    GM: Yes, it's the Goddess-Flatley Campaign.
    Lily: Michael Flatley only thinks he's a goddess.

  • GM: Wooly mammoth...wooly mammoth...
    Bri: Lots of dead squished spiders...
    GM: Note to self: Glittertits gets it this session.

  • Me: Wait, who's limp?
    GM: The goddess...
    Angel: Did you want to carry her?

  • Me: And you know you've found the prostate when the person you're examining has to pee.
    General agreement from the men in the room.
    James: I've never had a rectal exam, per se...

  • GM: Oh, what did I name her?
    Various suggestions of 'Atrocia', 'The goddess?', 'Skank', 'Bint'...
    Me: Cum-catcher?
    Long silence ensues.
    Angel: Had to think about that one, didn't you?
    GM: Yes.

  • GM: So, anyway, Cum-dumpster goes out to the next room...
    Angel: She wasn't going to say anything anyway...
    Me: Nope. Her mouth was full.

  • GM: A room full of twenty-five armed guards, all armed and bristling.
    Angel: I bristle faster.

  • Angel: I have my hand stuck in a goddess's chest.
    Me: At least it wasn't a trans-vaginal heart transplant...
    James: You can do that?

  • James: My anus is not that flexible.

  • Angel: The coffee pot was just sitting there, calling "Use meee! Uuuuuse meeee!"
    Me: And he just has to oblige when something's begging to be used...
    GM: I want to percolate!

  • GM: A sphere of whores.

  • Bri: Amsterdam. Sounds like an Aerosmith concert.

  • GM: No, she's just praying...
    Jefe: We love you, goddess-mine, come back to us...
    Me: Because (singing) You make me feel like a natural woman...
    A Broadway moment ensues.

  • Me: Bri? What are you doing...?
    Bri: Trying to figure out a way to go deaf.
    GM: I hear masturbation'll do that.
    Me: It'll also grow hair on the palms of your hands.
    Everyone checks their palms. Nope.

  • Me: Do you know how long it took me to learn how to throw a javelin instead of just running around stabbing people with it?
    Blank stares.
    Angel: Diablo II.
    Jefe: Oh, thank you. Because I was wondering "When did she stab people with javelins, and why wasn't I invited?"

  • Me: It's a vocal tic. You have motor tics and vocal tics.
    Angel: I heard 'tit'.
    Me: TIC! TIC!
    Jefe: I heard 'dick'.

  • Andy: No, actually, (growing up gay in the mountains) was pretty nice. Nothing like having a bunch of six-foot two, two-hundred-fifty pound mountain guys behind you when you go walking in New York City...."You want a piece of me? Jim-Bob, step up to the line..."

  • Angel: How high is the ceiling?
    GM: In the temple? Ungodly high.
    Me: No, it's pretty godly high.

  • Me: The safest place in the world to be when I'm shooting a rubber band...
    Angel and GM: Is the one she's aiming at.

  • Me: So what, you just whip out your dog-statues?
    Jefe (shaking his wrist at me): It's my charm bracelet.
    James: See, I told you he had a gay gene.

  • Angel: I manifest compression
    GM: He manifests enlarge and steps on you.
    Jefe: Skish.

  • Bri: Technically, I don't think it would be frowned upon, since they're both undead.
    Jefe: How about a living person and a zombie? "It was still moving, Bob..."

  • Angel: I planeshift him to...the elemental plane of "It-will-kill-him".
    GM: Is this the plane you just made up?

  • Jefe: I'm going to cast Tasha's hideous laughter...
    GM: Do you have a tart?
    Me: Yeah, Glittertits.

  • Bri: How can you tell if a mummy looks at you funny?
    GM: He just looks at you.

  • GM: "Tessa?" "Yes?" And then they have a conversation because I don't want to talk to myself.

  • Me: I go pick the drow bint up.
    GM: You pick her up.
    Me: And dust her off.
    GM: You are now thoroughly dusted off.

  • Jefe: Make me a god. I'll be a good god.

  • Jefe: I have a scroll of Detect Snares and Pits.
    GM: Ooooh! His sleeves are trapped

  • Angel: Burning hands, not flaming hands.
    GM: Oh, yeah. It's this (holds hands out) not this (makes limp-wrist gesture)

  • James (discussing mummies): Better than European women, and with less hair, too.
    Jefe: If you like corpses...

  • Me: Aaaand...after damage reduction, that's 18 points.
    GM: Thank God for damage reduction.

  • Me: Just think of all that rotting flesh stuck in your gums...

  • Angel: And then you open the fridge, and there's a tiny skeleton looking up at you. Shiver, shiver, shiver...

  • Me (viewing photos at hypnox.com [WARNING! He's a "Fetish photographer"]): Wow, what's that? Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something hot pink?

  • GM: It tried to paralysing gaze you. But it only really works when it's a Big Dragon.

  • James (to Andy): Are you allergic to fruit?
    General laughter.

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