Jefe: This campaign will be affectionately known to me as the "Michael Flatley Campaign". GM: Yes, it's the Goddess-Flatley Campaign. Lily: Michael Flatley only thinks he's a goddess.
GM: Wooly mammoth...wooly mammoth... Bri: Lots of dead squished spiders... GM: Note to self: Glittertits gets it this session.
Me: Wait, who's limp? GM: The goddess... Angel: Did you want to carry her?
Me: And you know you've found the prostate when the person you're examining has to pee. General agreement from the men in the room. James: I've never had a rectal exam, per se...
GM: Oh, what did I name her? Various suggestions of 'Atrocia', 'The goddess?', 'Skank', 'Bint'... Me: Cum-catcher? Long silence ensues. Angel: Had to think about that one, didn't you? GM: Yes.
GM: So, anyway, Cum-dumpster goes out to the next room... Angel: She wasn't going to say anything anyway... Me: Nope. Her mouth was full.
GM: A room full of twenty-five armed guards, all armed and bristling. Angel: I bristle faster.
Angel: I have my hand stuck in a goddess's chest. Me: At least it wasn't a trans-vaginal heart transplant... James: You can do that?
James: My anus is not that flexible.
Angel: The coffee pot was just sitting there, calling "Use meee! Uuuuuse meeee!" Me: And he just has to oblige when something's begging to be used... GM: I want to percolate!
GM: A sphere of whores.
Bri: Amsterdam. Sounds like an Aerosmith concert.
GM: No, she's just praying... Jefe: We love you, goddess-mine, come back to us... Me: Because (singing) You make me feel like a natural woman... A Broadway moment ensues.
Me: Bri? What are you doing...? Bri: Trying to figure out a way to go deaf. GM: I hear masturbation'll do that. Me: It'll also grow hair on the palms of your hands. Everyone checks their palms. Nope.
Me: Do you know how long it took me to learn how to throw a javelin instead of just running around stabbing people with it? Blank stares. Angel: Diablo II. Jefe: Oh, thank you. Because I was wondering "When did she stab people with javelins, and why wasn't I invited?"
Me: It's a vocal tic. You have motor tics and vocal tics. Angel: I heard 'tit'. Me: TIC! TIC! Jefe: I heard 'dick'.
Andy: No, actually, (growing up gay in the mountains) was pretty nice. Nothing like having a bunch of six-foot two, two-hundred-fifty pound mountain guys behind you when you go walking in New York City...."You want a piece of me? Jim-Bob, step up to the line..."
Angel: How high is the ceiling? GM: In the temple? Ungodly high. Me: No, it's pretty godly high.
Me: The safest place in the world to be when I'm shooting a rubber band... Angel and GM: Is the one she's aiming at.
Me: So what, you just whip out your dog-statues? Jefe (shaking his wrist at me): It's my charm bracelet. James: See, I told you he had a gay gene.
Angel: I manifest compression GM: He manifests enlarge and steps on you. Jefe: Skish.
Bri: Technically, I don't think it would be frowned upon, since they're both undead. Jefe: How about a living person and a zombie? "It was still moving, Bob..."
Angel: I planeshift him to...the elemental plane of "It-will-kill-him". GM: Is this the plane you just made up?
Jefe: I'm going to cast Tasha's hideous laughter... GM: Do you have a tart? Me: Yeah, Glittertits.
Bri: How can you tell if a mummy looks at you funny? GM: He just looks at you.
GM: "Tessa?" "Yes?" And then they have a conversation because I don't want to talk to myself.
Me: I go pick the drow bint up. GM: You pick her up. Me: And dust her off. GM: You are now thoroughly dusted off.
Jefe: Make me a god. I'll be a good god.
Jefe: I have a scroll of Detect Snares and Pits. GM: Ooooh! His sleeves are trapped
Angel: Burning hands, not flaming hands. GM: Oh, yeah. It's this (holds hands out) not this (makes limp-wrist gesture)
James (discussing mummies): Better than European women, and with less hair, too. Jefe: If you like corpses...
Me: Aaaand...after damage reduction, that's 18 points. GM: Thank God for damage reduction.
Me: Just think of all that rotting flesh stuck in your gums...
Angel: And then you open the fridge, and there's a tiny skeleton looking up at you. Shiver, shiver, shiver...
Me (viewing photos at hypnox.com [WARNING! He's a "Fetish photographer"]): Wow, what's that? Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something hot pink?
GM: It tried to paralysing gaze you. But it only really works when it's a Big Dragon.
James (to Andy): Are you allergic to fruit? General laughter.