- Jefe: This campaign will be affectionately known to me as the "Michael Flatley Campaign".
GM: Yes, it's the Goddess-Flatley Campaign.
Lily: Michael Flatley only thinks he's a goddess.
- GM: Wooly mammoth...wooly mammoth...
Bri: Lots of dead squished spiders...
GM: Note to self: Glittertits gets it this session.
- Me: Wait, who's limp?
GM: The goddess...
Angel: Did you want to carry her?
- Me: And you know you've found the prostate when the person you're examining has to pee.
General agreement from the men in the room.
James: I've never had a rectal exam, per se...
- GM: Oh, what did I name her?
Various suggestions of 'Atrocia', 'The goddess?', 'Skank', 'Bint'...
Long silence ensues.
Angel: Had to think about that one, didn't you?
- GM: So, anyway, Cum-dumpster goes out to the next room...
Angel: She wasn't going to say anything anyway...
Me: Nope. Her mouth was full.
- GM: A room full of twenty-five armed guards, all armed and bristling.
Angel: I bristle faster.
- Angel: I have my hand stuck in a goddess's chest.
Me: At least it wasn't a trans-vaginal heart transplant...
James: You can do that?
- James: My anus is not that flexible.
- Angel: The coffee pot was just sitting there, calling "Use meee! Uuuuuse meeee!"
Me: And he just has to oblige when something's begging to be used...
GM: I want to percolate!
- GM: A sphere of whores.
- Bri: Amsterdam. Sounds like an Aerosmith concert.
- GM: No, she's just praying...
Jefe: We love you, goddess-mine, come back to us...
Me: Because (singing) You make me feel like a natural woman...
A Broadway moment ensues.
- Me: Bri? What are you doing...?
Bri: Trying to figure out a way to go deaf.
GM: I hear masturbation'll do that.
Me: It'll also grow hair on the palms of your hands.
Everyone checks their palms. Nope.
- Me: Do you know how long it took me to learn how to throw a javelin instead of just running around stabbing people with it?
Angel: Diablo II.
Jefe: Oh, thank you. Because I was wondering "When did she stab people with javelins, and why wasn't I invited?"
- Me: It's a vocal tic. You have motor tics and vocal tics.
Angel: I heard 'tit'.
Me: TIC! TIC!
Jefe: I heard 'dick'.
- Andy: No, actually, (growing up gay in the mountains) was pretty nice. Nothing like having a bunch of six-foot two, two-hundred-fifty pound mountain guys behind you when you go walking in New York City...."You want a piece of me? Jim-Bob, step up to the line..."
- Angel: How high is the ceiling?
GM: In the temple? Ungodly high.
Me: No, it's pretty godly high.
- Me: The safest place in the world to be when I'm shooting a rubber band...
Angel and GM: Is the one she's aiming at.
- Me: So what, you just whip out your dog-statues?
Jefe (shaking his wrist at me): It's my charm bracelet.
James: See, I told you he had a gay gene.
- Angel: I manifest compression
GM: He manifests enlarge and steps on you.
- Bri: Technically, I don't think it would be frowned upon, since they're both undead.
Jefe: How about a living person and a zombie? "It was still moving, Bob..."
- Angel: I planeshift him to...the elemental plane of "It-will-kill-him".
GM: Is this the plane you just made up?
- Jefe: I'm going to cast Tasha's hideous laughter...
GM: Do you have a tart?
Me: Yeah, Glittertits.
- Bri: How can you tell if a mummy looks at you funny?
GM: He just looks at you.
- GM: "Tessa?" "Yes?" And then they have a conversation because I don't want to talk to myself.
- Me: I go pick the drow bint up.
GM: You pick her up.
Me: And dust her off.
GM: You are now thoroughly dusted off.
- Jefe: Make me a god. I'll be a good god.
- Jefe: I have a scroll of Detect Snares and Pits.
GM: Ooooh! His sleeves are trapped
- Angel: Burning hands, not flaming hands.
GM: Oh, yeah. It's this (holds hands out) not this (makes limp-wrist gesture)
- James (discussing mummies): Better than European women, and with less hair, too.
Jefe: If you like corpses...
- Me: Aaaand...after damage reduction, that's 18 points.
GM: Thank God for damage reduction.
- Me: Just think of all that rotting flesh stuck in your gums...
- Angel: And then you open the fridge, and there's a tiny skeleton looking up at you. Shiver, shiver, shiver...
- Me (viewing photos at hypnox.com [WARNING! He's a "Fetish photographer"]): Wow, what's that? Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something hot pink?
- GM: It tried to paralysing gaze you. But it only really works when it's a Big Dragon.
- James (to Andy): Are you allergic to fruit?
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