I whisper your name (ayradyss) wrote,
I whisper your name

  • Mood:

sum·ma·tion. Noun. 4: a final part of an argument reviewing points made and expressing conclusions.

Exam re-taking went well today, I suppose. Improved from my original scores on all but one exam by 10-20 points. I must be learning something. Highlight: 93% accuracy on the Semester 1 Final. How clear my mind seems now. How much of that was improved by my notes all over the exam? I'll never know. Progress, however, is good. Now to put away Pathology, and study Medicine until Wednesday.

Roleplaying went well. Much opportunity for character development was seen, then lost as the conversation drifted away and we wrapped up before I got a chance to think about it. He isn't who I want him to be, and it's because I'm so used to having a chance to really interact. It seems like things have gotten more and more sparse, with nothing getting started until 9 or 10, then ending by 12 or 1. Nobody really seems to care. It was fun, nonetheless.

I think...you know, that sums up how I'm feeling right now. Much opportunity for character development, and no time to develop the character. I see people in flashes, with other people, I talk to them online briefly - no expressions, no touch, no eye contact. Nothing that comes securely into the real (do I do anything real any more?)...
No chance to talk. No time to talk. No long stretches of comfortable silence, no time spent just for company and companionship and to feel the soft tugging of the thing that ties us together, we two. No time for two, no time for time, for trouble, for thought...no time. No time, and no (it seems in the dark aftermidnight) desire to make a time. Just this hollow empty sociability, a shallow skin-deep high-school fulfillment that exhausts me and drags out the pained and broken child within.

I know 
the cold and calloused
         girl I was, 
                will be

    for you had been to me
            before the sad 
                    and silent sea

                            I knew
    were me
           I knew one day
                   I knew the dream
        would flee

                the girl I was
                            the girl I'll be

I see
             is not tomorrow, wait
                      for me
         you know
               I see
                    I was
                           I knew


Goodnight, moon.

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